Bush In A Bottle

By: John Chuckman

There have been rumors of Bush taking to the bottle again. Since alcoholics are never cured, this is possible. The stress of having his ineptitude so publicly displayed as it was in New Orleans and of having his every major policy collapsing before his eyes would certainly tend to push him in this direction.

There are also rumors of very ugly behavior towards associates and especially anyone bringing unwelcome news.

These rumors have sparked stories of the dangers of a drunken President, but I think these stories are misguided. If true, Bush's drinking is a development we should welcome. There is, in fact, less danger from a drunken Bush, and his return to drinking would provide one of the most fitting possible outcomes for his destructive, miserable time in office, a political version, if you will, of time wounds all heels.

His handlers will not allow him to do anything truly dangerous. Neo-cons are moral ciphers, but they are not suicidal. Remember the precautions taken during Nixon's last days in office when he was gulping whiskey by the tumbler? Not only will a Bush back on the bottle effectively be side-lined, but all his ghastly entourage will be forced to spend their remaining time trying to hide the facts.

In the meantime, I think it would be helpful, as well as a fitting political statement, for all concerned Americans who can afford the cost to send a gift bottle of Bourbon to the White House. Who knows, it might just speed things along?