Noobocons

Language is so interesting, it warps and weaves and morphs. New words arise and other words change meaning totally. Some words even head into oblivion only remembered in older dictionaries while they exist. In the midst of a discussion a word occurred to me which I had heard numerous times but was never sure exactly what it meant. That word was "Noob" (sometimes written as n00b). One might think the word arose from "newb" or "newbie" - which most of us can interpret with little effort. While some sources do define it as derived from newb, the contexts in which I have seen seem to imply something very different. I did find a definition that did make more sense at Urban Dictionary.

While noob is most frequently used in internet forums and online gaming sites, I was struck as I read through the discussion of noob, how closely it reflected something we had witnessed through out the Bush administration. Let's explore noobism.

Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.

Bush: "One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis."--Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"Now, there are some who would like to rewrite history--revisionist historians is what I like to call them."--Elizabeth, N.J., June 16, 2003

"The public education system in America is one of the most important foundations of our democracy. After all, it is where children from all over America learn to be responsible citizens, and learn to have the skills necessary to take advantage of our fantastic opportunistic society."--Santa Clara, Calif., May 1, 2002

"You know, when you give a man more money in his pocket--in this case, a woman more money in her pocket to expand a business, it--they build new buildings. And when somebody builds a new building somebody has got to come and build the building. And when the building expanded it prevented additional opportunities for people to work."--Lancaster, Pa., Oct. 3, 2007

"A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what's not on their mind."--Sochi, Russia, April 6, 2008

Cheney: "A little tough talk in the midst of a campaign or as part of a presidential debate cannot obscure a record of 30 years of being on the wrong side of defense issues. "

"I'm absolutely convinced that the threat we face now, the idea of a terrorist in the middle of one of our cities with a nuclear weapon, is very real and that we have to use extraordinary measures to deal with it. "

"In Iraq, a ruthless dictator cultivated weapons of mass destruction and the means to deliver them. He gave support to terrorists, had an established relationship with al Qaeda, and his regime is no more." -Nov. 7, 2003

Rumsfeld: ""I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work." -asked to estimate the number of Iraqi insurgents while testifying before Congress

"Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said."

And the infamous statement that seems to be clear evidence of noobism: "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."

The Urban Dictionary goes on to state that it is best not to respond to noobs because; "This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks." 

The adnauseum repetition of talking points come to mind.

III. Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered...  they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not"

IV. Noob Religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures

I believe that BushCo took noobism to a whole new level. There have been numerous discussions over the years about neocons and influence over the Bush administration. However, there was a closed world inside the administration where neoconservatism morphed into a totally different level. We might say that they transformed from necons to noobocons.

TPMers, in an effort to capture what seems to be the almost phantasmagorical nature of this "new world" is captured in the various chronicles of Blunderdick. Blunderdick, has emerged from his secret location to carry the noob revolution to the public. He pops like a jack-in-the-box on every available forum. While spouting some of the same noobish mantras from the BushCo talking points. (it is rumored that a custom "magic eight" ball was created for each cabinet member so they could shake it and one of the acceptable responses would come up). However, Blunderdick (excuse me Cheney) has diverted from script, now admiting the use of criminal tactics, and how they are central to "keeping us safe."

Noobocon world has "come out" so to speak in all its glory. New noobs have joined the fray in the battle to draw the public back into the frightening phantom world that existed when the noobocons gathered for cabalistic policy sessions. The new noobs on the scene are Blunderliz, Limppaw, and Newter, but others like Imaboner are scrambling to get on the wagon.

It is clear at this point that the noobocons are on a mission to launch the final push into the new noob order. It is critical that we continue resist the allure of that place as a protection from the maginified fear guns they shoot at us every chance they get.

We shall not be moved to noobworld!