What can be said about this? I signed the petition and passed it along. I'll talk about it with those who will listen. The young girls hope things change - I would not want to give them a false sense of hope. Are you willing to pay the cost of their freedom?

I received a phone call from a man representing a publicity organization preparing a press release for the anniversary of the war. He was looking for a quote from us about the war.

What is left to be said? When things have been repeated over and over; when the subject has been broached in as many different ways as possible in the hope that different voices might finally reach the people - what is left to be said?

My quote - "These past five years have been nothing but wasted - wasted lives, wasted money, wasted breath, and wasted time." Emptiness took over where I had tried to put feeling, and as I thought about the war and what this man was asking, the emptiness became very dark, frustrating, and cold. I have hope for my life - I make my choices and live knowing I will deal with the consequences of my choices - therein lies my freedom. I know well what freedom costs, and I am willing to pay.

In the years before the war I lived a different life - not a military life, but one in which I learned just how little the veterans who served this country really did receive in the way of valid support for what they had given in the name of justice and civic responsibility. People criticized them for having served and others praised them. But few people ever seemed to make the real effort to support the sacrifice the veterans had made to help move us all closer to peace; a peace the veterans stood on the frontlines for, so that those behind the scenes might be able to do the work needed to see that the roots of that peace took hold. I worked to facilitate the care of veterans, World War II, Korea, even those from Viet Nam - I listened to their stories and those of their families. I saw war from the outside looking in.

In the last five years, I have come to see the real cost of freedom up close and personal. I have lived it every single day of my life, oftentimes twenty four hours of each day. I lived the days while my husband was stationed in a combat zone and I received no word from him for months on end. I lived the days when he returned and I saw someone home who seemed far removed from the man who left. I lived the days when the anger inside him grew - at times becoming a fearsome rage emanating from a man I seemed to have never known. I lived the days when that anger grew so quiet even the breathing was hard to hear and the silence became a darkness no light was strong enough to pervade.

I lived as my husband struggled against a corrupt command, an abusive leadership who refused to do what was right to ensure the soldiers who had entrusted their lives to this command were given the care and respect they needed for their service. I lived through his anger as he reached out to do what he could to call attention to what was needed to bring about the change he and those he served with knew was needed. The soldiers were doing all they could. They volunteered to defend their constitution, a leadership abused the commitment the soldiers made and the laws of this country bound our soldiers, trapping them into a service that no longer represented the duty for which they had enlisted.

For some, conscience stepped in. I lived as my husband made the most difficult decision he has ever had to make - and all I could do was tell him I would do what I could to be there for him, to help him with the choice he made - I said I would not leave. I didn't want him to return to war, I could see what the effect of war was doing to him - not the combat tour, but the lack of responsibility anyone in a leadership role felt they had to the oath of service they had taken. In the end, my husband made his choice, and spent the past three years in a different war; a war for his conscience. The first year of this battle was spent in jail.

The cost of freedom is the price real people pay to stand by their word even when corrupt individuals abuse the very laws they have taken a sworn oath to follow.

The cost of freedom is the price real people pay when these corrupt individuals are placed in leadership positions with no intention of leading with any sense of honesty or commitment to truth; and yet people continue to stand with integrity and dignity for the principles in which they believe.

The cost of freedom is the price real people pay when men and women forget their humanity, believing their power lies in their ability to amass material wealth: when their success is defined by how much they have, not how well they live; and yet people continue to face their adversaries with respect for their own lives and purpose.

The cost of freedom is the price real people pay when their strength is held in servitude to those who have little strength of their own - and in their role as cowardly leaders seek to control the strength of those who serve with a sense of obligation that becomes so overwhelming there seems to be no way out other than to bow to the false authority; and yet people continue to stand strong knowing someday the tables will turn.

I know the cost of freedom. I know the price that must be paid. I know the power of the evil domination that threatens to overwhelm the hope that is left in this country.

I know how much this false power has to lose when people finally see the light and stand against it. I know with that much to lose, the corrupt leadership of this false power will do anything they must to maintain control over the illusion they have come to love. They will destroy life, claiming it to be a sacrifice in defense of life. They will destroy the financial base of a country, claiming the money is needed to keep that country free. They will destroy the unity of the people which makes the country strong; keeping us divided with talk of racial disharmony, sexist abuse, class inferiority, all the while insisting on the power of unity.

The cost of freedom is the strength it takes to stand against a current of adversity and stay committed to principle - the strength to keep one's word.

The cost of freedom is what happens to a man when he faces the anger and the rage of a machine he has dared to speak against - one man, one human being - relying on the strength of his heart against a mechanized adversary with no conscience. The price is that man's conscience in a victory for the machine if he has nothing to hold on to giving him hope that his struggle will one day result in something more than mere survival.

I have lived while wars have been fought. I have lived when the anger and regret for giving up the illusion of success granted by servitude to the machine has become uncontrollable in a man trained to keep his emotions in check, as he struggles to survive in a place society promised would be better than the illusion if he would only leave it. Promises shouldn't be given if there is no intention that they will be kept.

I have lived full of reassurances - offering the hope desperately needed - insisting that the machine can be beaten if we just stand together facing it without giving in. The difference, the machine doesn't breathe, or eat, or sleep - the machine doesn't know doubt, the fear of failure, or the sense of worthlessness at taking one's family to the brink of disaster for a stand on principle that seems to have so little meaning in a society where illusion has the power.

What we, as a nation of citizens of conscience, have allowed to happen is incomprehensible in terms of the costs to humanity. Five years and counting, and the conscience of this nation has gone into hiding as we hear those in our leadership positions seeking to reassure us that their deplorable actions as human beings actually have any real value in moving us all closer to peace and justice in the world.

There is nothing our leadership has done that has value to anyone but themselves and there is nothing left to say to a nation of citizens who can't seem to figure out that the freedom they demand takes diligent responsibility, real effort and a sacrifice of life few seem willing to pay.

It's not about dying on the battlefield - freedom demands something far more difficult. It's about living with conviction - the courage to stand on principle knowing the consequences will be stiff, and at times quite painful.

Death for freedom is a cowardly concept, and to believe in our leadership when they tell us of the noble honor in dying to defend our freedom is to live as cowards believing in an illusion destined to destroy our humanity.

Freedom takes strength; strength those in our leadership positions fear - for it is a strength they can only borrow from others. They lack the understanding of reality needed to acquire such strength for themselves. The kind of strength freedom demands is not found in lies, manipulations, secrecy and deception; the lifestyle an illusion of power must have to continue. The strength of freedom comes from living what we know to be true and doing so against all odds.

Those who claim to lead us now are nothing more than cowards hoping the people of this nation do not wake up and realize the strength they have - in conscience. Conscience requires a hard look into the eyes of reality - it's not an easy road, but freedom is worth the effort.

I know the cost of freedom and I am willing to pay. Are you?

I oppose this war. I oppose everything about this war - from the total destruction of an innocent nation, to the abject disillusionment of the citizens of our country regarding their responsibility for this destruction. I oppose the irreverent disregard for the laws of our constitution by not only our administration and our congressional representatives, but also the citizens who should be rising to oppose such actions, who have chosen instead to believe in the empty promises of national organizations wasting their efforts on counter-productive multi-million dollar spending sprees of futility in opposition to equal efforts by the administration.

It is becoming more and more difficult for me to see the difference between the leadership of the right and the leadership of the left.

Twelve Million Dollars, and more, spent by one organization in one year - opposing a war - Wasted.

How do you oppose something so destructive, so inhumane, so violent - so massive that it destroys an entire country with its incursion, and threatens to destroy its country of origin as well? How do you oppose something as hateful and angry as war and have any expectation of succeeding, when that opposition is simply a superficial public relations fiasco with no substance behind the banners, posters, puppets, television ads and interview slander?

Twelve Million Dollars and more - Wasted.

In the years since the immoral, unethical invasion of Iraq, I have witnessed as the administration and congressional leadership of our country have laid waste to the opportunities they were given to help direct a conscientious nation of citizens to become true leaders in a world aching to move closer to international peace. As they became more enraptured with the false sense of power their positions gave, those elected to serve the people have come to stand as nothing more than gatekeepers to a downgrading society whose true colors are showing as tempers rise, power continues to corrupt and in their angry response, the organizers of the opposition to present policies demonstrate how little conscience plays into any decisions regarding a new direction for the people.

Protesters, counter-recruiters, activists, American citizens all give voice to their opposition to the war - but no one seems to want to organize an alternative for what they are talking so hard to try and stop. Everyone is yelling for peace.

WHAT is peace?

How will we know when it gets here if we do not stop yelling, if we do not stop spending in futility, if we do not get started implementing the real actions necessary to ensure that peace has a place from which it can grow lasting roots?

So - you don't like what our administration is doing? Well - oppose it. Not by yelling at it, but by taking action against it.

Our constitution gives the power to the people - and it is through Congress, not the Presidency, that power manifests itself.

Our Congress is not representing the voice of the people so... Fire Congress!! ... And use your voice to do more than simply complain about the lack of representation. BECOME the representation you are demanding.

Across the nation members of counter-recruiting organizations are opposing the actions of military recruiters; shutting down recruiting stations, handing out publications outlining the lies being told by military personnel, telling students the horrors of what they will face if they join today's military.

What is being offered as an alternative? Once success has been achieved and that student, that "poor manipulated young innocent," is out of the grasp of the military recruiter, what is there to give in place of what they had been promised for enlisting?

I have been on military installations. On every installation ordained to be necessary to the defense of our nation, multi-million dollar deals have been made with contractors across the country. On every installation, state of the art education centers are being built, along with shopping malls, and brand-new three bedroom homes with energy efficient appliances now cropping up in gated military sub-divisions complete with playgrounds, swimming pools, gymnasiums, and neighborhood associations.

To a young man or woman who grew up believing they would never have a way out of the poverty that was their childhood reality, the military offers every dream come true. With no assurance that their life was going to matter anyway, it is not a stretch to understand why they are willing to sign it away for a chance at the success they were certain to only dream about before the military offered its collateral.

What are you giving them in return once you have succeeded at turning the next generation of potential leaders away from their perceived "dreams come true"???

Twelve Million Dollars wasted - on puppets, television ads laden with empty promises, and false visions of hope soon dashed when the real support needed to help these youth move in a strong, positive direction never manifests itself.

Veterans are returning from war to face financial problems, marital problems, physical problems and the psychological and emotional trauma of the reality of war. As protesters and activists, American citizens, proclaim the need to ensure that concerns of the veterans are met with resources for recovery, millions of dollars are spent trying to force bankrupt government agencies to provide the care their inadequate services cannot possibly achieve. "We, the people" protest the actions of our government officials, and rather than work, applying funds to programs which would foster change, spend countless millions simply complaining that nothing is getting done.

Twelve Million Dollars, and more - Wasted.

American citizens lose more and more every day as their elected representatives to government spend a few hours each week offering reassurances that they are working on the "people's behalf", only to return to their self-serving offices once they believe the insecurities of the people have again been temporarily placated.

Corporate entities rake in profits as jobs for Americans are sent overseas; quality and durability sacrificed as cost-effective measures are implemented. Struggling local businesses close their doors while leaders of the opposition to our present administration, representing "the people", protest loudly of the need to save the American economy, spending millions on banners when those millions would be better spent rebuilding our shattered local communities.

We are wasting millions of dollars publicly denouncing our administration's policy of wasting our tax dollars on efforts that only benefit themselves.

Twelve Million Dollars, and more - Wasted.

I once thought talk was cheap - I have since learned - the high price of talk is money wasted, laws disregarded, the needs of the people reduced to empty promises and freedom destroyed.

"There was a consensus that last year was not productive...Our expectations were dashed." Mine were not.

The voice of the people has to become more than just a voice if the people hope to become what they proclaim themselves to be.

Twelve Million Dollars, and more - wasted.

Freedom deserves far more than wasted millions and wasted breath.

A few hundred yards down the road from the main gate of Fort Stewart, the newly built Chapel Complex was recently christened. Red brick, with angled lines and a pristine white steeple; looking more like a courthouse than a place of worship, the building stands ready for the soldiers who will be returning from their year long deployment to Iraq next spring.

Across the street, on the grounds of the PX shopping mall stands another display of shiny pinwheels planted in the ground. The sign behind the display reads, "These pinwheels represent the 138 cases of spousal abuse confirmed at Fort Stewart in fiscal year 2007." In 2006 the sign read "131 cases of spousal abuse" and another read "191 cases of child abuse." What will 2008 bring?

My husband filed a conscientious objector application in 2005. He did so because of his firsthand experiences with this war, and with the abusive treatment the soldiers and veterans faced as they struggled to fulfill the oath they took to serve their country. He did so to call attention to the threats and intimidation military personnel faced, and the lack of respect they received for their service.

The military command refused to accept the application, choosing to find a way to put my husband in prison as punishment for his choice instead. As we worked to see that due process was given to my husband's choice, I had the opportunity, one evening, to be in the same room with the command sergeant major of my husband's battalion. I took the opportunity to ask this senior NCO if he would mind my asking him some questions, civilian to civilian. He said "No" so I asked.

"Have you ever had to kill anyone?"

The man put his hands behind his head, stared up at the ceiling and responded: "Yes I have had to shoot to kill many times."

"Didn't it bother you at all to know that you had killed another man?"

With his hands still behind his head and one leg crossed over another, he leaned back in his chair and said "You know I've got 22 years in the Army. You learn that you don't think about what you do, you just do it. I've never seen the results of my shooting. That's the problem with the 'boys' they're bringing in today. I tell them and tell them in training, don't look back - just shoot 'rat-a-tat-a-tat' (holding his hand out as a weapon) and don't look back. When we was first starting out, the soldiers I came in with and me, we all learned in training, shoot and look away - walk away but don't look at what you've done. If I could get anything across to these new 'boys' it's that they can't look. I see them; they shoot and then look to see if they hit their target, if they did good, if they followed orders. I see their eyes and there's fear, and I know right away if there's going to be trouble with that one or the other by their face after they see the result of the explosion. We've got to teach these boys to shoot and look away, and they wouldn't be so bothered by what they did."

"What do you think of the war?"

The man didn't move much. He hunched his shoulders a little, looked across the desk and said "That's political stuff and I don't get involved in none of that political stuff. I do my job. If I have to go back to Iraq I go, and I take care of my soldiers. I care about my soldiers, but I don't have no business paying attention to whether the war is good or bad, or if the president did right. I have 22 years in, and I have to do what I'm ordered to do so I don't ask no questions."

"What do you think about conscientious objection?"

This time he leaned forward a little, stretched and took a breath before he re-crossed his legs and folded his hands back behind his head. "There ain't no true conscientious objectors. I've been in a long time, and I've seen only one or two that might have been real religious. It's been my experience that when a soldier brings in an application, I always sit and talk with them and ninety-nine percent of the time he's not a conscientious objector he's just got major problems with his command. Whenever anyone brings in one of those applications it's because there's a bad command and we got to do something about fixing that. If we do the soldier ain't got no more problems and he can go on doing his duty, but we got to get him to talk and tell us what the command is doing wrong, 'cause it's not religion, it's a bad command."

Throughout the conversation my husband was standing beside me at parade rest, having invoked his right to not respond to any questions the sergeant major wanted to ask him. At the time he was under investigation by the command which claimed his conscientious objector application was simply a protestation of the war, not worthy of their time. The command sought to charge him with "making disloyal statements" and "disrespecting a superior officer' for having spoken out in an effort to find help for the soldiers in his unit being threatened and abused by his command.

My husband went to prison. The sergeant major went back to Iraq.

Now, suicide rates are increasing among military personnel. Spousal abuse is becoming more of a problem and no doubt more children are afraid of the empty look they see in their returning parents' eyes.

We tell the soldiers to do what they can to get out of the military - to avoid returning to Iraq. It will not solve the problem.

Building a multi-million dollar chapel complex on one military installation is not going to fix what has been broken inside a man or a woman who has been to war.

The anger and rage of those who have been in combat will not go away simply because we tell them to get out while they can, to "walk a different road" without showing them where that road will lead.

Going to prison to speak out about what is happening to our military personnel is not going to make things right, not unless we, those of us who claim to care about our "troops" find a way to work together to do our part.

We can't think that simply taking someone out of the war also takes them out of combat. In war, the rage makes sense and the killing of an enemy can be easily justified. War doesn't end when the soldier comes home, and the nightmare of combat only grows darker when the battle waged is waged inside; intended to protect a place and loved ones that once meant peace from the anger of an experience that cannot be left behind.

When these men and women return home and face those they love, that anger can become a seed inside which feeds and grows off of memories of the horrors, the nightmares and the need for release - but at home there's no battlefield on which to let go, there are only children, a spouse, or themselves when they come to fear the damage they could do if left uncontrolled, and when "help" is only a word, too many will lose the battle.

People say they understand - trust me - you don't; not if you haven't felt it inside, or stood helpless wondering what more can be done to simply bring peace to the heart of the person you want so much to heal.

Holiday lights are far from bright enough to light the path of those who need the peace this holiday is meant to honor.

The pristine steeple on Fort Stewart's new chapel complex may see the day when every seat in the building is occupied. Experience tells me that those in attendance may find sanctuary but they will not find peace, even if the room is full.

Men and women volunteered to put their lives on the line to defend the peace our laws were meant to give. Their service has been abused by everyone who has stood and watched this travesty of war unfold; offering words of help only to turn and look in another direction when more than words were needed.

People will write and say, "They volunteered. They got what they deserved."

The war is coming home and if Americans are not willing to stand together to fix what we are all responsible for breaking, they will know firsthand what it means to "get what is deserved."

It's time to stare into the eyes of what we have allowed to happen.

Peace is not simply a word, and war does not go away when you look in a different direction.

What do you know of war?

She told of a nightmare reminiscent of one I had lived through just a short time ago - with added trauma I have come to understand. I have learned there are many forms of combat, not all on the frontlines of a battlefield, but all can manifest themselves in ways only those who have lived through them will ever fully comprehend.

Serving with the 4th Infantry Division, her husband had deployed to Iraq in 2005 and spent a year in combat before returning as someone she was no longer sure she recognized. As he struggled to find his way back to her, he continued to work on post, and to ask for the help he knew he needed in dealing with the nightmares, the anger, the uncontrollable rages, mood swings, and the suicidal feelings. His commander said there was nothing wrong with him another combat tour wouldn't fix, and didn't do much more than tell the couple they needed marriage counseling. On R and R from Iraq for the birth of his child, he attempted suicide with the anti-depressants he had been prescribed while he was in Iraq. A judge ordered him to a military behavioral hospital and when he was released the mood swings, rages, nightmares and anger only grew worse.

He was again told he would be sent to a military hospital for treatment, and his wife was told she would be able to follow him shortly thereafter. He was sent to Ft. Stewart, Georgia, where he was immediately placed in the behavioral unit of the Army hospital on post. The doctor there, rather than recognize the problem, saw the soldier as the problem, accused him of "malingering" (a common military command practice) and told the soldier he could not get out of deploying to Iraq. The soldier's request for conscientious objector status was not even considered, and he called his wife to let her know he would rather die in the states confined to his barracks room than return to die in Iraq; he was holding the rest of his pills and refused to tell her which barracks he was in.

She could have broken down, and after enduring months of nightmares, abusive behaviors and rage by her husband, she could have walked away - her heart was stronger than all of that and she began making phone calls, getting no answer at the number listed for the ambulance service or the staff duty desk. Finally she reached the MP station and they were able to find him. He was placed in the hospital and the ridicule continued. Seeking guidance from many organizations who offered to help, she soon learned she was on her own. An attorney managed to have the soldier released. At first he was ordered to stay on a cot in the battalion headquarters, unable to remove his uniform or even shower. The day before she contacted me, he faced a summary court martial and was given 30 days confinement and a less than honorable discharge. He managed a quick call to her to let her know it was almost over, and wasn't able to say anymore. She was left on her own to find out where he was incarcerated and how he was doing. He eventually contacted her. He's safe and being cared for, and with time off for good behavior this soldier is almost home.

For this couple, the worst is over, or is it just beginning??

I know the nightmares, I know the anger and I know the mood swings. I also know how it tears your heart when you realize how little most people understand. Watching the changes that come to a soldier who has waged a war for peace that is far more difficult sometimes than the battles fought on the ground in Iraq, it sometimes feels as if all sides are working against that peace ever taking hold.

We watched our love ones go to war, knowing the apprehension, but loving them for doing what they believed they must to keep us safe, to give to their country and to honor the service of those who came before.

We ached for them while they were gone; never sure when a phone call might come and when they did return alive we ached again, wondering when the rest of the person they had left behind in the war zone would finally catch up and come home too.

The price they paid for their freedom was greater than most will understand and theirs is a freedom many others will fight to dampen, afraid of what that freedom represents.

It's not about who is to blame for an immoral, unjust war. It's not about who is responsible for ending the war, or who should receive credit for the work that eventually brings us peace. It is about recognizing our personal responsibility in the madness and about accepting our role in bringing about the changes needed to repair the damage.

It's not about why a soldier enlisted to serve, not when their conscience is torn apart by the abuse of that service; abuse from all sides until all sides begin to work together to end the war and put into place programs for reconciliation and recovery for all those affected by what we have faced in the name of freedom and human rights.

It is about reconciliation. It is about recovery. It is about doing what is right within ourselves to see that the changes we implement have a lasting impact for peace, and for healing.

It's about understanding what has been given, setting aside what can be taken, working together to make things right.

It's about the need for peace.

Stretching out into the deepening surf of the southern Gulf of Mexico, rock jetties provided the perfect place to sit and watch the crashing waves, pelicans feeding and the sky darken to meet the color of the water at the end of the day. Juan was quiet as he inched his way closer to the rock Dylan, my golden retriever, and I were sitting on. He reached out to pet Dylan with a sad look in his eye.

For the next few nights I drove to the beach, Juan always seemed to appear out of nowhere wanting to pet Dylan and talk in the language we had contrived. He was from a poor village in Mexico. His parents had come across the border bringing him with them, hoping to find the better way of life the stories their friends told had painted into a bright colored picture. They'd been in the States for almost a year, and life had not gotten better. Juan had left his dog in Mexico. They were best friends. Now Juan had no one to talk to.

I would drive him home from the beach after we talked for a while and he'd had his fill of playing with Dylan. I never did know exactly where "home" was for Juan. We always drove down an abandoned street where he got out of the car at an abandoned house; windows and doors boarded up and tree limbs strewn across the yard. He would leave the car and run through the yard not looking back, carrying the latest flashcards I had made for him to learn more English words before our next visit on the beach. I never left empty handed - I would bring colored pencils and empty cards of my own for him to use to create my lessons in Spanish.

One night Juan was already at the rocks when Dylan and I walked to the end of the jettie. He was trying not to cry but with little success. His father had been taken away and he couldn't articulate why. He and his mother were returning to Mexico. He reached over and hugged Dylan. He was leaving another friend.

America - land of dreams. It seems as if that is all this country is anymore; a land of dreams. There are so many visions, so many campaign promises, so much money given to support the politicians with the strongest, loudest spoken words. Where are the people doing the work to see that the promises are kept as we watch more and more dreams become nightmares?

Abraham was sixty-two but he could have been seventy. He walked with a limp leaning on a rough-hewn walking stick, his attempts to carve it into a work of art left unfinished when arthritis got the better of the act.

A small county-seat town west of San Antonio displayed a Mexican influence in the stucco walls and red tile roofs of the buildings circling the courthouse and town square. In the center of this land-locked square sat an old lighthouse, now the local police department and a museum of the Old West; cowboys, cattle and their influence on the development of the community.

Abraham was sitting on a bench outside the door of a small coffee shop which seemed to cater to the cosmopolitan-minded people working in the legal offices adjacent to court. Well-dressed people trafficked in and out, coffee in one hand and cell phone in the other.

I brought my coffee outside and handed a second cup to Abraham. His eyes said "thank you" and I sat down on the bench next to him to talk. He seemed surprised, but quickly started to tell me his life's history. His family had brought him to Texas when he was ten. They crossed the border with several other families in the dark of night. He had been scared, but could do nothing except move along as his parents tried to find their way to a better life. Abraham's father had been a craftsman, working stones and metal into pieces of art. Abraham reached in his pocket and pulled out a cross made of silver and turquoise. His father had made it when Abraham turned twenty-one and he'd kept it in his pocket ever since. He'd had a variety of jobs over the years, never finished school and struggled now as his arthritis threatened to become debilitating. His parents had died never seeing the fulfillment of the dream they left home for. Abraham never did find a home, but he had his cross, his faith and a cup of coffee.

As I rose to walk on, a woman came out of the coffee shop, closed her cell phone and looked over at Abraham. She kicked his foot, slapped at the air in front of his eyes and launched into a tirade of curses telling him to go away, go anywhere, but go away from there. She was tired of looking at him, tired of watching him sit and ask for help and she was going to do whatever she could to see that he was forced out of town.

America. People come here for the promise of dreams fulfilled. People living with no hope for a better future look to the illusion of success displayed on our websites, our TV advertisements, our movies, and risk their lives for a piece of that illusion. Beneath the finely coiffed and painted exteriors of the images we project lies the truth, and the reason we should be closing our borders, building walls to keep the dreamers of success away, sending them back to the reality of their homelands.

We can't give these people what they are looking for because we don't have it ourselves.

We can't help those who believe in the illusion because it is simply an illusion; words spoken well, but nothing more than words, nothing more than computer generated graphics showing what we all dream of but few actually do the work to achieve.

Xavier was ageless; young and old at the same time. He was like a shadow working around the tennis club where I gave lessons, the results of his efforts always clearly visible as the man remained hidden from all but the most trusted members. He would come to my office at the end of the night when leagues were over and it was time to close. He had been working there for years before I arrived, knew the story of every member and kept their secrets. He spoke broken English with a twinkle in his eye showing a spirit that knew how to fight to survive in a country his family had come to hoping for more than just survival. He was going to have to figure out what to do next, the new company buying the club was not going to let him stay, and would be hauling away the old trailer he lived in with two dogs, five chickens and a goat. He was worried about what was going to happen to the animals more than he was himself. He thought he might just find an old sofa, put it on the beach and live there selling palm branch designs for the money to pay for food to eat.

He had a ritual before leaving each night; to make sure the lights were turned off, the front door locked and when my car engine was running and the headlights on he would always ask what the one word was that I lived by. I would always answer "Believe," spelling it out before he asked because I knew he would.

I came to work one morning and Xavier was gone, but when I opened my car door that night there on the seat was a small piece of wood with a hand-woven design covering it "Belive" it read in bright orange, green and yellow thread;

" BE -- LIVE" and I could almost see the twinkle in Xavier's eye knowing the misspelling had been intentional all along.

America. I wonder sometimes if it isn't that those who come do so for the better life they are supposed to find here, but rather that they come because we need them to show us the meaning of the lessons we too arrogantly believe we do not have to learn.

We have a constitution - more than just paper, it is a legitimate enumeration of the laws of humanity which should apply to all, and which would apply to all if all understood their responsibility to follow those laws.

We are the United States of America, a nation of immigrants who struggled to survive in a land full of opportunity for all, until all became a hollow word and the greedy few found false power in the illusion of their monetary success.

Nine more American soldiers died today, in a land we invaded under the illusion of helping its people find what we have. People say we're losing that battle. I look at the direction our country is heading - I listen to the news of the direction the country we invaded has taken today. I don't think we're far from achieving our goal after all.

How much farther along would we be if our soldiers had been home defending our laws, helping us to become what we were meant to be?

Hinesville is a quiet community whose resident population includes many veterans from wars as far back as World War II. Yellow ribbons still circle the trunks of giant oaks and pines in the center of town, but they belie the true support the community of Hinesville has given to Ft. Stewart soldiers over the years.

In 1971, the community of Hinesville joined together to create a waiver program meant to offer real support for the men and women stationed at Ft. Stewart. This program was a joint effort between business members in the community to ensure that soldiers and their families were taken care of while they served their country. Local landlords offered discounts on rent, waived security deposits and offered lower rates on storage when the soldiers were deployed. Local utility companies participated as well also offering to waive security deposits, and local businesses gave discounts to soldiers and family members who visited their stores.

Hinesville doesn't wear its political bent openly. The community members don't actively protest the war, nor do they rage against those who do. The community of Hinesville quietly supports the soldiers who serve, knowing the difficulty of the times. Veterans talk together about how the war has changed and how frustrated they are at the lack of any real results. They speak of the administration's decisions with a wisdom that comes from having served and seen war firsthand, and they acknowledge the efforts to alter the course of the war with equal intellect.

Are we ready for that change in course?

It is time to bring the war to an end and to begin the process of bringing our soldiers home. But the community of Hinesville knows there is much about this country that is not ready for the return of 200,000 combat weary members of the military. The soldiers of the 3rd Infantry have been to war three times in the past five years. Many of the members of the 3rd Infantry were in Afghanistan before being sent to the invasion of Iraq rather than redeployed home. The community of Hinesville was here for the soldiers when their families were told they would be stop-lossed in Iraq for months past their scheduled return dates. They were here when the soldiers were told they would be returning to Iraq just one very short year after they had arrived home.

At Warrior Walk on Ft. Stewart there are currently 320 trees standing in memorial to the members of the 3rd Infantry who gave their lives in Iraq. As we walk around the grounds of Winn Army Hospital we pass soldiers with artificial limbs, a permanent limp, and in wheelchairs all trying to recover from the war that seems to go on forever. The community of Hinesville knows, cares and does what it can to support them and their families. Veterans have not forgotten - and they understand how much is needed when the war comes home.

Do we understand what we will face when the war is over?

In the year between the first two deployments of the 3rd Infantry there were 191 confirmed cases of child abuse on Ft. Stewart alone. Soldiers returned but we were not ready.

In the next year the soldiers were home following their second deployment to Iraq, there were 138 cases of spousal abuse confirmed on Ft. Stewart. America continued to call for the soldiers to come home, but we were not ready.

As we drive the twelve mile stretch of road that passes through the training areas of Ft. Stewart there are new landmarks along the way. Billboards in bright colors with simple messages, thirty or more, directed at the soldiers of the 3rd ID, ordered to be erected by a concerned installation command -

"Don't drink and drive."

"Riding motorcycles drunk will kill."

"We care about our soldiers, we want you alive."

Large neon message boards at the exit gates of the garrison proudly display the message, "177 days since our last traffic fatality."

Soldiers have returned home from war alive at least, although far from unaffected. Alongside the memorial posts in the local newspaper reminding us of the lives taken in Iraq we read posts reminding us that soldiers are affected, and while they survived combat in Iraq, they could not survive drinking and driving to forget.

Once again the soldiers of the 3rd ID are heading to Iraq. America is calling loudly for them to be brought home, but America is not ready.

In 2005, the garrison commander of Ft. Stewart, Col. John Kidd, approached the on-post office of the Community Waiver project. At no cost to the military the members of the Hinesville community had operated a project which resulted in a multi-million dollar a year savings for the soldiers and families of Ft. Stewart. With no explanation this Colonel, serving as garrison commander, told the employees of the Waiver project that they had 30 days to collect their papers, close the office and close the door on a community offering which had been serving the needs of the soldiers for over 30 years. This Colonel told members of the project that they were to disband, and to begin charging security deposits to the soldiers who continued to lease from them. This same Colonel was the Convening Authority for my husband's courts-martial, a man openly hostile to our attempts to publicize the mismanagement of the installation and the corrupt practices of some members of the command. Col. Kidd determined that my husband deserved to go to jail for his actions, and insisted that it be for no less than 18 months - a decision he discussed with the prosecutors in the case even before the charges against my husband had been investigated.

Shortly thereafter, new construction began at the back gate of Ft. Stewart. New town homes appeared, a map for a master-planned community is now displayed, and hard-selling representatives leap exuberantly in hopes of a new sale as cars wind through the entrance with passengers seeking to satisfy their curiosity. The community of Hinesville now understands. It's hard to sell an over-priced monster to soldiers who don't really need the burden, unless the community has been detached - where is that Colonel now that he is no longer in command?

The Veterans For Peace were well received in Hinesville. Soldiers and their families continue to speak of the event and the information they received about the Appeal for Redress. The community of Hinesville understands the need, but they also understand the need for so much more.

My husband went to prison as a result of his public protest of this war and the lack of support the soldiers were receiving. He spent over a year in prison yet continued to speak of the need for a legal remedy for soldiers to have the right to speak about their concerns regarding this war. The Appeal for Redress does just that. We hope many will support it so that soldiers do not have to face what my husband faced simply for telling the truth.

It is the kind of support our soldiers need, and the kind I wish my husband had been given.

Americans talk about ending the war. Americans talk about supporting the soldiers who fight, and supporting the soldiers who choose to take steps to honorably refuse to further participate in the actions of a war which has shown itself to be unjust, immoral, and to include so many illegal actions.

So many Americans still do not understand, and our soldiers and their families continue to pay the price for their sacrifices while Americans face off over their differences, rather than work together to create a solution.

So we end the war. So our soldiers come home. I can tell you from firsthand experience - America is not ready.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, a ten-year Army veteran who served a combat tour in Iraq and a year in prison for his public protest of war and the destruction it causes to civilians and to American military personnel. Please visit their website, www.BendermanDefense.org to learn more.

Kevin and Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

I remember stopping as my father read the notes left along the wall, looking at the flowers, the medals, the mementos left to family - to brothers. I remember watching the veterans who surrounded the wall, and the feeling of awe I had for being where they were. These were the men who had watched over me, my family, and my home. From what little I understood about where they had been, from what little I was aware of the politics of war, the one thing I did understand; these were soldiers, men of honor and they were in tears as they surrounded that wall - I didn't know why, but I felt them and I knew whatever the reason, they were powerful tears.

St. Patrick's Day is coming. It never was the specifics of St. Patrick's battle that impressed me, but rather the fact that he was able to find a non-violent way to convince a dictatorial king that there was room in the country of Ireland for more than one man's way of believing. St. Patrick never managed to convert the Irish king to Christianity, but he did succeed in convincing the pagan king that Christianity could co-exist with the faith of druids, and was granted permission to teach his own beliefs to those who willingly asked to hear his words.

On March 17th, I have read of two gatherings at the wall I have come to have tremendous respect for; one of Veterans for Peace, the other a Gathering of Eagles. I have read the ongoing debate between members of the two factions, and I have read of some civilians who have made the claim "it is not your wall, it is our wall," and the very words sent a chill through me with the disrespect that came through them.

St. Patrick used gentle teaching to convince a powerful king that differing beliefs could co-exist in peace, out of respect for himself and his beliefs; out of a consummate faith in what he had come to know to be his truth.

Peace walks quietly offering the greatest respect not to those who think alike, but to those who disagree. It takes a great deal of work to come to know something as your truth so strongly that you are not afraid to stand alone in the knowing. Those who cannot accept the differences in others can only be very afraid of walking alone. Those who accept do so with an understanding that can only come from having walked their own road to find their own truth.

There is so much about the Viet Nam war that only those who served will ever know. Every veteran who served brought with him feelings, experiences and memories no one else will ever be able to fully comprehend, not even those he served with. They will always understand, however, for the one thing these men share is that they served. It didn't matter what their beliefs were; their religion, their color, their background - they stood together not for the ideology, not for bringing freedom to others, but simply to come home alive from a place in hell that none of us who were not there can ever imagine.

The Iraq war is horrendous. It is a war we will once again be recovering from for a very long time. The veterans of Iraq have one strength they can count on - from men who served in a war as devastating, who returned hoping never to face a war again.

Viet Nam had no internet cafes; no Starbucks or Burger King, there was no Green Zone to return to after a sixteen hour mission, no hot showers, no air conditioning or instant messages to family back home. There were no soldier blogs, no soldier diaries on Fox - there were the men who stood together, the men who died, and those who carried their brothers with them to the wall.

For some veterans it meant returning to work publicly for peace. For others it meant living quietly, searching for peace in the quiet strength of family, community and privacy. For some the war was never over; and for all it was a time they will never forget.

When I returned to the wall this past September, I stood at the entrance to the memorial and stared down the long walk of names. Years after my first visit, mementos were fewer, veterans as well, but the sacred sense of power was something that had not changed, and the peace that emanated from it belonged there and deserves to remain. The wall does not exist for an ideology. It was not built as a tribute to war. The wall is not standing out of a commitment to a country or to a people. The wall is a tribute to the men who gave it all, by those who stood with them when no one else was there, regardless of their differences.

The wall exists because men stood together for their lives. The wall fulfills the promise that they all came home - that none will ever be forgotten.

The wall is not a place for protest. It is a place of reflection, of power, of respect and peace.

The wall is not "ours".

The meaning of the wall is not deserving of the disrespect that has been shown as it has grown brick by brick over the past month to stand as a divider between the men whose experiences brought them to different beliefs, forgetting that they once stood together for their lives. These men of different beliefs who served together deserve better than to be further divided by the words of civilian "peace-makers" whose actions belie their words of peace.

For those who can - remember - so their sacrifice is not forgotten. For those who can't remember - understand - the power of the wall is there to teach you, a gift from those their brothers carried home.

Peace.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, an Iraq war veteran who served over a year in prison as a Conscientious Objector having refused further participation in the immoral, unethical action of war. Please visit www.BendermanDefense.org to learn more.

Kevin and Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

The street that fronted this well-worn establishment was hometown for generations of children growing older as they walked past the never-changing storefronts with telltale signs of a habitual life clinging to the window sills and walls behind the cash registers that had seen the dollar bill become a dollar coin.

America.

At the end of the sidewalk, just before it turned sharply to the left into an abandoned lot that once housed the local lawnmower repair shop, stood a monument to the veterans of wars meant to secure the lifestyles of this and all other small town communities which had sent their finest to defend their nation's honor. Monthly meetings of the local VFW troop meant a changing of the fresh flower wreaths that adorned the granite rock bearing the names of local heroes who gave their lives for a worthy cause.

America.

He paid his tab and slowly rose to walk through the café's doorways and amble across the street to the quiet church nestled back from the sidewalk; finely manicured lawn and gardens separating it from cars driving past, passengers too busy to notice the small clock ticking away minutes of life on the steeple rising through the heavy oaks standing as sentinels to peace for nearly a century.

America.

The doors to the chapel stood open, beckoning entry into the quiet sanctuary where wreathes stood on small metal pedestals, and baskets of flowers framed photographs, a well-worn uniform and mementos from a childhood still fresh in the memory of a family who cared.

America.

He walked quietly to the far end of a pew near the front of the room, removing his cap and placing it carefully in the space next to him. He was a caring man, but private as well and would prefer the space as he faced his emotions, thoughts and fears. He stared at the altar, slowly shaking his head in seeming disbelief at what reality presented as glaring truth in the most simple, yet dramatic of ways.

America.

As he bowed his head in a moment of silent resolve, the pews surrounding him slowly filled, and the echoes from an empty hall of spirit became echoes of sadness, grief and pride juxtaposed against the backdrop of tradition, history and the American flag draped across a maple box laying in somber silence before him - an effect of reality he had hoped to avoid.

America.

The chapel doors closed, the lights were dimmed and the pastor stood in quiet attention behind the maple box, beckoning with raised hands for the attention of the people, and the community voice lifted in reverence as the strains of the familiar "amazing grace" rose through the core of the steeple and into the cloudless sky above so that even those few people standing in the gardens outside could feel the presence of peace, not clearly understanding its origin yet hoping it would remain for a time.

America.

Tears were soon flowing, and he did his best to keep his to himself. There was so much he remembered but was so afraid to share, as if to open his thoughts to others would send the wall tumbling down - a wall that had taken oh, so long to build. He was fairly certain he would not be able to bear the heartache of having to face what was hidden on the other side. Friends and family stood in quiet praise of a life far too short and dreams unfulfilled. Personal witness was given to the strength of commitment, duty and honor represented in the actions of a boy who had become a man all too quickly, and would now never know just how grown he had become in the short time he had to live.

America.

He held his head in his hands, breathing slowly to give himself the strength he needed to look toward the maple box for one last meaningful glance before the moment was over and he slowly rose again to leave, aching to be allowed to remain for far longer in a sanctuary that hid every fear he had in the safety of the kinship he felt with the memory of a life in a box, wrapped in a flag that meant so much more than he believed any in the real world could understand.

America.

As he left the peace of a building created out of humanity's search for meaning, he found himself wrapped in the sunlight which found its way through the massive oaks standing guard on either side of the neatly landscaped steps. Warm hands took his, and gentle arms pulled him to a quiet embrace from people he had never met, but who seemed to understand more than he had known others would. Standing together, this community of people meeting for the first time expressed a resolve to carry on - their purpose defined by the actions of a boy who had become a man far too soon.

America.

This small community, drawn together in grief, found strength in the traditions, the values and the history for which one simple life had been given.

This small community refused to give in to the bitter hatred that sought to embrace it, choosing instead to find hope in the sacrifice one of their own had made.

This small community reached out with pride for all he had stood for - all he had fought for - all he had lived for and all he had died for.

America.

Where are you now?

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, an Iraq war veteran who served over a year in prison as a Conscientious Objector having refused further participation in the immoral, unethical action of war. Please visit www.BendermanDefense.org to learn more.

Kevin and Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

I have nothing but respect for the service of the men who created the force of action that "Sir, No Sir" documents. They have been on the frontlines of two battlefields, war and peace, and in doing so they have openly stood for what they believed, in spite of those who argued against them.

I appreciate what the movie represents - a tribute to past struggles and efforts to move away from unjust, immoral and potentially illegal actions - something that will benefit all of society, not only the veterans who say NO to war.

I do not believe that this is the movie that needed to be made, however.

I have had a unique opportunity - I live with a soldier who has been on both sides, and I watched him come full circle. My work was caring for veterans, ensuring that they received their benefits, received healthcare, and were given the right to die with the dignity and respect they had earned. I have heard countless stories of regret, hope, anger, and peace - all in the form of reconciliation for past deeds committed in wars they never really understood, including World War II. In the past three years I have heard soldiers talk of the same issues, the same ideals and with the same questions that I heard from those who were old enough to be their great-grandparents.

The movie that I believe needs to be made is not about GI Resistance - it is about Civilian Responsibility.

When conflicts start, when potential threats arise, soldiers answer the call and put themselves on the line to fulfill their responsibility to the American citizens - a responsibility they volunteered to accept. VOLUNTEERED - and yet American citizens expect that this is a defense of their freedoms; believing that the only responsibility they have is in raising funds for care packages, sending letters, cards, writing songs and waving flags from the sidelines as our soldiers sacrifice themselves for what they believe.

When conflicts become difficult, as this immoral, unjust action has once again proven wars do - American citizens step up to demand that soldiers once again defend them - this time by stepping off the battlefield into another kind of war - American citizens waving new banners from the sidelines, singing songs of rebellion, crying new tears - and promising support as long as the soldiers keep the interests of these American citizens safe from perceived tyranny by saying NO to war.

The American military has done enough - and American civilians need to step up to the plate.

What is GI Resistance all about??? Soldiers forced to break the laws - and civilians encouraging the same veterans and soldiers who committed to protecting and defending our laws to now violate them in our defense. Support for GI Resistance is just one more copout by American citizens.

These men and women who are our veterans deserve far better than that. Supporters actively cheer the resisters on, justifying their actions by claiming that laws must be broken to prove that laws have been broken.

I can tell you from firsthand experience --- the people who support this idea of GI Resistance have it wrong. The actions they demand do not work - and expecting soldiers to stand for their moral principles by breaking the laws that their moral principles first drove them to defend is way out of whack.

GI Resistance would not be necessary and this movie not needed, if American citizens were accepting their responsibility and taking an active role in ensuring that our government functioned within the context of our Constitution.

GI Resistance would not be necessary if our Congressional Representatives did more than provide lip service to their oath of office.

Whether it is in a war on the battlefield, or in a war to stop one - soldiers have borne the responsibility of this country's citizenship on their shoulders since our founding fathers first envisioned an independent nation.

Soldiers need to be realistically supported - veterans need to be given the respect they deserve for the battles fought, and the American citizenship needs to get up off their collective backsides and do something real to give back for the sacrifices all of our military personnel have made.

I would hope that we want to do more than simply stop this war. We've tried that before - stopping one war does not stop war.

GI Resistance is all well and good --- but it is time to act in a manner that will set the wheels of change in motion and build a foundation for lasting warless ness, for living without war is all we are ready to handle right now -- we are far from ready for Peace.

What is needed is a democratic military, and it is the American citizenship and our Congressional Representatives who MUST make this happen.

Do you know what it takes to file for Conscientious Objector status in the US Military?

The actions expected of our soldiers by anti-war activists do nothing except send our soldiers to jail. Activists encourage soldiers to violate regulations and break laws, in doing so often destroying their lives, putting their careers and everything they believe in to rest simply because you say you will support them. Your word has little behind it. I have seen that firsthand.

If you want the soldiers to stop war - then give them a legal way in which to do it - a route of honor - not one of submission.

Not long ago, a First Lieutenant stood and publicly announced his refusal to deploy to Iraq. He claimed not to be a Conscientious Objector. What exactly is a person who refuses to participate in an immoral, unethical action if not a Conscientious Objector?

Supporters are actively encouraging our soldiers to flee to Canada, churches are now offering sanctuary to those in the military who choose to run rather than deploy to a war they no longer believe in. What type of acts are these if they are not acts of Conscience?

Veterans of many wars suffer from combat stress - nightmares - regret for acts committed -- questions of Conscience.

If you want the soldiers to stop war - then make Conscientious Objection honorable.

My husband went to jail for 15 months as an act of Conscience - because his principles would not allow him to violate the laws he had sworn to uphold, even as his command violated their oath to defend our Constitution by refusing to respect my husband's rights as a human being, a soldier and an American citizen who volunteered to serve.

Don't offer sanctuary in a place of hiding, bring Conscientious Objection to the forefront and demand that our Congress re-write the law supporting a soldier's right to choose - and demand that it is signed by our President.

Don't tell soldiers to run to another country and then offer them solidarity tea on the borders. Demand that they be given justice, by creating the just laws that allow them to serve this country with honor --- defend the laws that define our Constitution and do so according to their conscience -- a God-given right.

RE-Write the LAWS that our soldiers sacrifice their lives to defend. Give our soldiers the rights they deserve.

Don't have ice cream parties on the White House lawns - don't display empty boots on the National Mall - and don't stop eating to show that you can sacrifice.

STEP UP and demand that our soldiers be treated with HONOR - and RESPECT for the fact that they, more than anyone in this room - have the right to be called American citizens for they, more than anyone in this room, understand the meaning of duty, honor, and country - and the sacrifice needed to defend what this country stands for.

Our soldiers cannot do this -- our American citizens and Congressional Representatives can -- and the DUTY, OBLIGATION and RESPONSIBILITY to DEFEND those who DEFEND our country's founding principles with their lives falls squarely on YOUR shoulders.

WHEN -- will you act with the commitment that our soldiers' sacrifices demand?

Monica is the wife of Army Sgt. Kevin Benderman a 10 year veteran with a combat tour in Iraq. Sgt. Benderman filed for Conscientious Objector status as his legal refusal to further participate in the immoral acts of war which he witnessed in Iraq. He was court-martialed for his decision and was recently released having served 13 months of a 15 month prison sentence.

During his combat tour in Iraq, his conscience told him that orders given by his command were questionable and positioned soldiers in his unit in avoidably hazardous situations.

During his service at Ft. Stewart in preparation for a second deployment to Iraq, Sgt. Benderman witnessed continued abuse of the soldiers he served with, faulty training methods and corruption on the part of a command who demanded respect from their units while continually violating their own oath of office and the regulations they had sworn to uphold.

Sgt. Benderman took his oath as an NCO seriously, defending the soldiers he served with, speaking out against the actions of a corrupt command and adhering to the UCMJ in the process.

Sgt. Benderman exercised his rights as a citizen of the United States, and a volunteer in defense of the Constitution on which this country was founded. Acting on his conscience, and demonstrating his Freedom to Choose the principles on which he would serve, he took the legal remedy available to him and filed for Conscientious Objector status on the basis of morality and ethics. He could no longer participate in a war in which the actions of commanders and leaders violated International and National Laws, as well as the Laws of Humanity. Recognizing that all war is the same - he spoke out against further abuse of these laws in the name of Freedom and Democracy.

Sgt. Benderman received a 15-month prison sentence and has been confined at the Ft. Lewis Regional Corrections Facility, Ft. Lewis, WA since August 1, 2005.

During his time at Ft. Lewis Sgt. Benderman continued to face abuses of his Constitutional Rights, and witnessed more of the same against others who served time as well. Flagrant violations against military regulations as well as human rights were evident on the part of the command and cadre at the military Regional Corrections Facility where he was incarcerated. These violations have been documented and have been brought to the attention of military investigators as well as Congressional Representatives.

One week ago, Sgt. Benderman was released from confinement and has returned home. His case is currently on appeal with the briefs to be considered sometime in late October 2006.

Kevin and Monica would like to thank everyone for their support over this past year, and hope that you will continue to support them with their future projects.

In the months to come they will be addressing the specifics of Kevin's case and their experiences of the past year of his confinement.

They will be speaking about their positions on Conscientious Objection, changes they believe must be made regarding soldiers' rights and working to give our veterans the respect they deserve for the service they have been given.

They will also be addressing their goals for working to return to the foundation of our country - the Constitution; recalling the principles and freedoms the founders of this country envisioned over 200 years ago.

As we look forward to an end to this phase of our journey - the struggle for peace rages on for so many. We watch as thousands endure what so many in the United States will only see in movies. We realize that while the obstacles these people now face seem insurmountable, they are survivors as well. We respect their drive, their passion and their commitment to life even as those with no apparent respect for life play the game of pretending to care.

Major news outlets play video of missiles crossing borders leaving trails of black smoke in the air. Commentators exclaim in apparent awe.

A child dies.

Broadcasts feed from high-rise apartments selected by award winning producers for having the best vantage point for the next barrage of incoming volleys to display plumes of gray amidst the urban sprawl of a city being devastated in the selfish rage of those who refuse to see that they are creating the same scenario from which their ancestors ran.

A mother falls to her knees in anguish.

Video streams from 50 cities across the world display throngs of protesters against the violence - placards, banners, picket signs galore proclaiming everyone's perspective of the madness.

A hand-drawn picture made with the love of a 5 year old for her father falls in the ashes and slowly becomes ashes itself.

Politicians hastily join forces in a grand show of resolve, appearing in cleverly scripted news segments giving their expert opinion on how, why and when a cease-fire will be most effective in ending the violence.

Grown men, proud of the courage with which they have lived, reach to heaven with screams unending, praying to their God to bring sense to it all.

Here in the United States our representatives debate the issue of flag burning. We argue over what constitutes a marriage, and whether prayer belongs in schools.

Here in the United States we watched as our fellow citizens lost homes and loved ones to a natural power. One year later we watch again as they finally realize the truth of the matter; the words most of their countrymen speak are nothing more than words. They take the matter of their lives and homes into their own hands - which, in point of fact, is as it should be.

The hypocrisy continues as OUR elected representatives clamor in their haste to board secretive jets, in secretive locations to fly to well-publicized destinations in a war zone half a world away, to act as if the United States cares about life, home and the struggle of those who have been forced to defend theirs. OUR elected representatives speak in defense of the actions of a civilized nation whose children take pride in signing their names to the missiles that will be sent to destroy the lives of children who will never see those missiles coming.

The television news anchor exclaims in awe as the bombs explode. How surreal would the picture be if we were to discover a shred of shrapnel with a child's name painted on it lying in the rubble next to the limp, doll-like body of another child whose painted picture to her father was now nothing more than ash on the ground?

As the child lies dying would we hear her faint whisper in her last quiet breath - "Where is peace?"

Protesters carry on - "We are demanding peace." How do you demand peace?

Diplomats carry on - "We will have peace when the time is right."

The time is right. It has always been right. The world is fighting to make peace happen but it's already here. Peace doesn't happen. Peace can't be made.

Peace is.

Peace starts from within. Peace is quiet.

Peace is listening when others speak - even if they are speaking in a language we must learn to understand.

Peace is recognizing that we are all different - even as we are all human. Peace is acceptance that we do not understand others unless we take the time to allow them to tell us who they are.

Peace is humble - it is realizing that we do not know, we are not experts, we need help more than we need to give help.

Peace is not global. Peace is Individual.

Peace is knowing that life matters enough to change our actions so that our personal commitment becomes one that honors the life each of us has been given, and allows others the right to decide for themselves what their personal commitment must be.

Peace is helping when asked - it is not assuming help is needed.

Peace is freely making the choice to live the life that is right for us - to take care of what is ours, and to leave others free to do the same.

Someone once asked, "Why does God allow us all to suffer?"

God seemed to answer - "I allow you to suffer because I have given you the freedom to choose. When you choose to follow the simple laws I have given to you, you will no longer suffer. You have not chosen well."

Peace is knowing that we have chosen well.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, currently completing a 15-month prison sentence for filing a Conscientious Objection as his legal refusal to further participate in war and in the current direction our country has taken. For more information please visit BendermanDefense and BendermanTimeline

Kevin and Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

Statement made by Monica Benderman

Thank you for giving me this time today. I would like to preface my comments to Congressional representatives by reading a statement from my husband, Kevin Benderman, a US Army Sgt. who is currently serving a 15-month sentence at the Regional Corrections Facility, Ft. Lewis, Washington.

From Kevin:

I have prepared this statement to address the injustice I have been dealt by the US Army after I made the decision to apply for Conscientious Objector status. I made this decision after my return from Iraq where I witnessed and experienced for myself the insanity of war. What I learned from my experience is that war is a waste of humanity. We kill many people in the name of keeping the peace - an oxymoron if there ever was one. After many months of contemplation I reached the conclusion that I no longer wanted to contribute to the ultimate violence toward other human beings that war is.

I attempted to discuss my feelings with a chaplain assigned to my military unit, but I got the sense that talking with him would be a less than worthwhile way to cope with these feelings. Ultimately, my initial impression of him proved correct when I received an email from him stating how ashamed of me he felt, and that I had displayed little moral fortitude in my decision.

The command structure of my unit was hostile towards me in their zealous need to have me prosecuted for having developed a desire to live a more peaceful, humane existence. I was ridiculed publicly, called a coward, subjected to a farce of a general court martial, and falsely imprisoned.

The company commander refused to follow military regulations in regard to my Conscientious Objector application and the battalion commander blatantly disregarded a request from a congressional representative to examine my application in an unbiased manner.

The General Court Martial Convening Authority blatantly abused his position of authority when he told the Ft. Stewart JAG office and the prosecuting attorneys how long my sentence would be prior to an investigation into charges they were considering against me. This action is a flagrant violation of my right to a fair and unbiased hearing accorded me by the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

The Rear Detachment commander also tried to dredge up any other groundless charges to press against me that he could. Two charges of Larceny were brought in to try to further tarnish my reputation, which eventually proved groundless, but not before they were used as a threat to encourage me to plead guilty to an act I did not commit.

It is my desire to prevent other soldiers from having to deal with corrupt and unethical individuals like these commanders. I would like to see legislation passed that would prevent any type of abuses from those serving in positions of authority within the military system. The people who voluntarily decide to wear this nation's uniform already sacrifice far more than the average citizen. Their basic civil rights should not be sacrificed as well to the unethical whims of corrupt individuals who may hold a higher rank, but exhibit far less humanity. Any assistance in rectifying this situation would be greatly appreciated, and I would like to thank those who made it possible for me to present my remarks here today. I would also like to thank those of you who have taken time to hear what I have had to say. Sincerely - Sgt. Kevin Benderman

I will address my comments to the Members of Congress:

Each one of you is in office having been elected on the basis of promises you made. In taking that office, each one of you took an oath to honor the Constitution of this country, and you did so by swearing to your God.

An American soldier, a volunteer, takes the same oath. His commitment to that oath is based on the promises of our elected leaders. But a true leader is not someone who blindly follows laws written by men. A true leader is someone who leads with adherence to his own obligation to humanity.

If you, during your tenure and contract to serve as Congressional leaders, were asked to participate in an action that violated your own conscience and your own principles of humanity, would you take a stand against that action?

If you were to step down, no longer willing to participate in an immoral, illegal action, would you have charges brought against you?

Would you be sent to jail for your beliefs? Would you go willingly?

Would you allow this to happen to any member who serves with you who also acted on their conscience?

As a volunteer, an American soldier has every right to question the purpose of his sacrifice, and to expect that sacrifice to be honored with integrity and honesty, and to be allowed to follow his conscience when orders given violate his own principles of humanity.

Freedom of Choice is one of the most significant principles on which our country was founded. Conscientious Objection is the true exercise of a soldier's right to choose.

Do you understand what it takes to publicly declare yourself a Conscientious Objector today?

Are you aware of the process an American soldier must go through to be granted Conscientious Objector status in today's volunteer army?

My husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman, is a ten year veteran of the US Army, and has
served with distinction. He served a combat tour in Iraq and was awarded two commendation medals for his service there. While in Iraq, my husband's firsthand experiences changed him.

My husband went to war. He saw mass graves filled with dead bodies of old people, women and children. He watched dogs feeding on their bodies. How would that affect you?

He saw a young girl badly burned because of the actions of war and rather than stop to help her, war dictated that he must drive on by. How would that tear at your heart?

As he helped set up camp, his commander gave his unit an order to shoot small children if they continued to return to the top of a retaining wall to watch what the soldiers were doing. At what point would you draw the line?

What he saw and experienced appalled him, and he was angry. My husband left Iraq cold and furious at what he had been asked to do for an unjust, undefined cause, and a dedicated soldier turned against war for moral and ethical reasons as his conscience would not allow him to violate his own principles of humanity.

When he returned home, my husband and I wrote publicly about our feelings for this and all war. We spoke of the horrors, the senseless inhumanity, and the disrespect shown to the sacrifice our soldiers had made.

My husband took the course available to him and filed a Conscientious Objector application as his legal show of refusal to participate further in an immoral, inhumane action.

His command, in an effort to punish him for his humanity, and because they could not do so for the public comments that he and I had made, chose to disregard his application, and in the confusion their incompetence created found a way to put him in prison for his actions.

Kevin was found guilty of missing movement, or not getting on a plane, and sentenced to 15 months in jail, loss of all pay, reduction in rank and dishonorable discharge. According to the lead prosecutor, the military spokesperson, and my husband's commander - "a stiff sentence was called for to send a message to other soldiers that they could not use Conscientious Objection to get out of going to war."

My husband violated no regulations. His command violated many. The command's flagrant disregard for military regulations and laws of humanity sent my husband to jail as a prisoner of conscience.

Times have changed - and so has Conscientious Objection. What has not changed is the constitution, the oath our volunteer soldiers take to defend it, and every American citizen's right to Freedom of Choice.

This Conscientious Objection goes beyond religious teaching. It is not dramatic. There is no epiphany. There is reality. Death is final, whether it is your own, or you cause the death of another. No amount of field training can make up for the sights, sounds, tastes and smells of a real battlefield, and no amount of threats, intimidation and abuse from a command can change a soldier's mind when the cold hard truth of an immoral, unethical justification for war is coupled with real life sensations.

Who among us has the authority to sit in judgment of another man's conscious decision to no longer participate in killing when he has been on the frontlines of death and destruction?

Simply by being born we each have an obligation to respect the authority of life; as individual human beings with an allegiance to what is RIGHT, not an allegiance to a flag, a country, or another human being elected to a temporary position of leadership they may not have earned.

When a soldier realizes that his conscience no longer supports the oath he gave to serve in the military, it is because he has learned that what he was asked to do as a soldier violates his obligation to himself and his humanity.

My husband was scheduled for a parole hearing in February 2006. The parole board denied my husband's request for parole. The reason cited - my husband had not been "sufficiently rehabilitated." My husband is a Conscientious Objector. What is the rehabilitation needed for someone who says he no longer will participate in war?

The right to choose life over the taking of life is every man's right. Regardless if that man has volunteered to defend his country in time of war, he did not volunteer to participate in wanton, irreverent killing at the whim of a government whose leadership is quick to "pull the trigger" without giving thought to the authority of the sanctity of life.

A true American leader will stand up to laws and orders given that violate the sanctity of life and call the principles of our Constitution into question. A true American leader will let his conscience be his guide when asked to participate in actions that violate his own high standards of morality. When this leader is a soldier who has made a choice to stand against the inhumanity he has seen firsthand in a combat zone, it is up to those in Congress to see that laws are in place which give his right to conscience the respect it deserves.

I am here on behalf of my husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman; American soldier, Prisoner of Conscience, someone I am very proud of.

My husband and others like him are in prison because our country's leaders have refused to acknowledge their responsibility to act as human beings first. My husband, a volunteer soldier, after a combat tour in Iraq, chose to put his humanity first. It is beyond my comprehension why, in this great country, my husband is in jail for simply exercising his human rights.

It is time for each of you to remember your obligation to humanity and act in a manner that is truly worthy of my husband's sacrifice. I am strongly encouraging each of you to reflect on your responsibility and your conscience, and in doing so, I am advocating that my husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman, be given the respect he deserves as a Conscientious Objector and an American leader who has taken a stand to defend the principles this country was founded on.

Less than half a mile from the site of this spiritual/religious edifice are the cement lots built to store our own weapons of destruction. Less than 10 miles from this future house of worship are the training grounds for war. Less than a quarter mile from this structure being built for soldiers to come together to listen to the teachings of faith meant to lead us all to peace, is a half mile stretch of sidewalk lined with newly planted trees surrounded by small American flags, tied with yellow ribbons and marked with the names of those from the 3rd Infantry Division who have given their lives since the beginning of the war in Iraq.

Not long ago Islam celebrated the birth of its prophet, Muhammad; someone who professed a peaceful path and the honor of Allah in the practice of life respectful of the rules Allah set forth through this prophet.

Recently Judaism celebrated the birth of its nation, having been led by their prophet, Moses; someone who saw the way to a peaceful path and sought to honor God in the practice of life respectful of the rules God set forth through this prophet.

This past weekend Christianity celebrated the resurrection of its prophet, Jesus; someone who professed a peaceful path and the honor of God in the practice of life respectful of the rules God set forth through this prophet.

Still war rages - soldiers and civilians die - and political leaders of opposing countries rail against each other in their God's name.

Soldiers return from a year spent at war, having served their country by following the orders of their "commander in chief," an elected leader of the people of this country. They return to a chapel being built for the worship of a God who sent peaceful prophets to teach His rules and lead us to His way. Many of these soldiers return confused, suffering from PTSD - combat stress. Many of them return with questions, and many more return angry for what they feel they have not yet finished. What happens when they go to this chapel to pray after driving by the rows of armored vehicles they so recently used in war? Will they go to the chapel seeking peace when they have finished a long walk past all of the markers naming the soldiers who could not be saved? How do they find their peace when the rules their "commander in chief" ordered them to follow don't reconcile with the rules of the God they worship? Who has the greatest power? Whose order is the highest order, the one that should be followed above all others?

When a child is born and baptized into their faith, haven't they undertaken a covenant of that faith? Isn't that an oath to abide by the rules of their God, to live as a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim should, and uphold the teachings of the peaceful prophets as they have set forth the rules their God has given them to share? Don't those rules define humanity and our purpose on earth?

We have each sworn an oath - to respect humanity, to cherish life; a life given to us by a powerful creator, not a human leader elected to office for a four-year term. We have sworn an oath to respect authority - but there is only one authority, and it speaks to us in the voice we hear, as an individual human being with an allegiance to what is RIGHT, not an allegiance to a flag, a country, or another human being elected to a temporary position of leadership.

Our oath to humanity is the only oath that should matter, and the oath was given in contract with a party that does not expect us to break our promise. Whatever we do in our life, when a promise we make conflicts with the oath we have taken to respect the laws of our God, isn't it right to correct what is wrong?

When a soldier realizes that his conscience can no longer support the oath he gave to serve in the military, it is because he has learned that what he was asked to do as a soldier violates the oath he gave to humanity. Who, at that point, has a higher authority than the authority that governs a man's conscience?

People argue that we go to war to kill those who might hurt us if we do not get rid of them first. These same people argue that killing is wrong unless we are killing those who seek to kill us. When a soldier learns that killing is simply wrong, that going to war is the wrong way to honor humanity; when his conscience says "NO MORE," hasn't he learned true respect for the highest authority? Isn't he upholding the one oath he cannot betray?

We may make other promises in our lives, but is there any other oath as significant as the oath we make in the name of our humanity, in the presence of our one God, be it the God who comes to us through Islam, Christianity or Judaism?

When other promises we make are no longer in harmony with our oath to humanity, isn't it our moral obligation to alter our path?

As soldiers return from war and seek resolution in their life, if they turn to the chapel and the answer that comes is one that means change, the military regulations give them a legal option to use that allows them the freedom to make the choice to live by their conscience. The Uniformed Code of Military Justice provides for soldiers who seek Conscientious Objection in the writing of Article 600-43, a legal tool by which to exercise their right to uphold their oath to humanity, a commitment, which supercedes all sworn promises to man-made authority.

Can one assume, when another man dares to challenge a soldier's right to his humanity, that the challenger believes his will is stronger than the will of the Creator? It is a bold assumption when another man believes he has the right to dictate a soldier's choice and question a soldier's right to stand on his own integrity and principles when they have been violated by his military contract. Is it possible that someone who challenges a soldier's right to conscience is simply someone who did not have the moral fortitude to question unjust actions he himself had been asked to commit?

Our leaders are put in place because we elected them to office on the basis of promises they made. They took an oath to honor the Constitution of this country when they took office, and they did so swearing to their God. The oath of a soldier is based on the promises of our elected leaders, and a leader is only as good as the manner by which he adheres to his own oath to humanity. In the end, we all serve One, and there is no man with the authority to decide how our individual conscience dictates our service.

Until our elected leaders actually lead from a position beyond reproach, it is the duty of all Americans to question them with authority, as their God speaks to them through their individual conscience. When we allow our leaders to speak for us in a voice that goes against our conscience, we are as guilty of crimes against humanity as any man who lifts a weapon to kill another without knowing for certain that there is a justification as an act of defense.

Our tax dollars are being used to construct a Chapel Complex where, having returned from war, our soldiers can go to heal their souls by hearing the words of prophets of peace in their God's name. Yet soldiers who heed the words of those prophets and follow their conscience, having seen firsthand the inhumanity of war, are imprisoned for no longer wanting to participate in the destructive action of war.

The hypocrisy continues, and all the questions remain.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, a veteran with honorable service in Iraq, and a Conscientious Objector to war who is currently serving a 15-month prison sentence for his choice. To learn more, please visit Benderman Defense and Benderman Timeline as well as Benderman Defense Trust

Kevin and Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

In Afghanistan, we are witnessing a tragic violation of basic human rights - rights given to all people simply for being alive. A man has made a choice - a personal choice - and he is being threatened with death because of his choice.

Our government officials have stepped in and offered their thoughts on how the Afghan government should proceed in their treatment of this man. Members of our administration have publicly stated that freedom of religion is a personal choice, one afforded all human beings; the man should be set free and allowed to practice his religion as he chooses. This is the same administration that allowed my husband to go to jail for making a choice - a personal, moral choice based on his ethical beliefs.

My husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman, chose to no longer participate in war. He followed the Army regulations, filed a Conscientious Objector application, and acted honorably every step of the way. His unit commanders chose to punish him for not allowing them to control him with their threats, and my husband went to jail simply because his commanders had no integrity, no honor and no respect for the very constitution they had given a sworn oath to uphold.

Sadly - the military administration has sided with my husband's commanders to this point. At any time, any member of the military hierarchy could have stepped in and ordered the command to abide by the regulations. Instead, the military powers that be chose to turn a deaf ear to the truth and the facts, and allow the continued mistreatment of one of their own - a veteran who has served with distinction for ten years.

The sworn testimony given verbatim in the Record of Trial from my husband's court martial, clearly shows an incompetent command; a command that lied, mishandled their administration of my husband's request, and fabricated evidence after the fact. It shows a command that had no knowledge of the regulations, no idea how to respond to my husband's request and admittedly made no effort to learn.

The company commander stated for the record that "Sgt. Benderman is just one soldier out of 191 that I command. I did not have time to worry about him." He went on to admit that he "was not aware of the proper procedures for handling Sgt. Benderman's request, but if he had been he would have taken steps to correct his actions."

On five separate occasions, the Command Sgt. Major of the battalion gave sworn testimony regarding a meeting he requested with my husband to discuss his Conscientious Objector application. These sworn testimonies contradicted each other with regard to several of the facts that, had the truth been told, would have exonerated my husband before there ever was a court martial. On the witness stand, this Sgt. Major was questioned about the fact that his sworn statements contradicted each other, and was asked if they were indeed his statements. He confirmed that he had made each one, and went on to state that none of those had been the truth; that he was telling the truth in the courtroom that day. The first statement given was most accurate, having been made right after the meeting with my husband. Subsequent statements appeared to change as the prosecutors needed to bend the rules to make their allegations fit. The "truth" on the stand was remembered 7 months later, noticeably altered from the original testimony, also given under oath.

Also included in the Record of Trial for my husband's court martial was a statement made by the Convening Authority overseeing the court martial - the Acting Commander of Ft. Stewart, Georgia. During the first week of February 2006, this commander had a meeting with the Staff Judge Advocate at Ft. Stewart. He stated that he would not accept a plea bargain, and he wanted to make sure that my husband went to jail for "no less that 18 months." This is the man who would ultimately determine whether all procedures and regulations had been properly followed during the court martial process, and approve the final outcome of the trial. The question here - why had he already determined my husband's guilt - and for what crime was he expecting to sentence my husband? There was not even an investigation into the charges that they would consider bringing against my husband until a week after the commander held this meeting.

My husband has now served 8 months in jail, apparently because the commanders of the US military are not bound by the oaths they take. The commanders of the US military have a choice - they can abide by their personal integrity and lead by following the rules, or they can make up the rules as they go along - so much for integrity.

My husband was eligible for parole on January 27, 2006. According to the Dept. of the Army Regulations 190-47, the rules governing the operations of military corrections facilities, the command of the correctional facility where he is incarcerated should have held a hearing regarding my husband's request for parole in December 2005; no later than 30 days prior to his eligibility date. The command did not set the date for his hearing until mid-January, and it was finally held on February 15, 2006. Three weeks later they got around to sending their recommendations to the Parole Board in Virginia.

Apparently, it does not matter where the commanders of the US Army are stationed, or what their assignment - few of them seem bound by the oaths they take.

For ten years, Sgt. Kevin Benderman served the Army of this United States with honor and integrity. He received nothing but commendations and outstanding evaluations, and not one derogatory counseling statement. Kevin went to Iraq and performed his duties with the same integrity and honor that he gave to all aspects of his service. After firsthand experience, knowing that he could no longer participate in war, recognizing it as "the greatest form of man's inhumanity to man" he prepared to leave the military when his enlistment expired. The US Army refused to let him go peacefully and issued him a stop/loss order.

Following regulations, and staying true to himself and his beliefs, Kevin submitted a Conscientious Objector application in spite of a Company chaplain who would rather "debate" Kevin than assist him in his legal request and a Company commander who believed that threats, intimidation and character attacks would convince my husband to bend to his will.

The actions of the command make a statement loud and clear. It is not the statement they would like us to believe however. While their public statements mentioned that the sentencing of my husband was meant to "show other members of the military that they could not use Conscientious Objection as a way to avoid service in Iraq," their actions show nothing more than cowardice in the face of moral courage and personal integrity; two character traits sorely lacking in many of the commanders my husband has been forced to serve with for the past 3 years.

When called to hold themselves accountable to the oaths they took, these men failed miserably. At a time when leadership at all levels is sorely needed these men showed clearly why this country is in the mess we're in.

The RULES are there for a reason, and an oath taken is one that is meant to be kept unless the party to whom the oath is given has broken their word. Perhaps that is the problem in a nutshell. The oath that is taken relies on the integrity of an individual to keep his word. For the commanders in the military to understand the meaning of keeping their word, they would require an example in those who lead them.

Every member of the military and our government has taken an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. My husband went to jail because he refused to compromise on the oath he took, nor on his personal principles, and continues to defend the right to freely choose how he will live.

Integrity - the true measure of a man is in the word he keeps.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, Conscientious Objector to war and the current status of this country, and currently serving a prison sentence at the RCF at Ft. Lewis, WA. To learn more - please visit Benderman Defense Trust.

Kevin and Monica may be contacted at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

In 1776, American Revolutionaries fought for their freedom against another repressive British government. Like the insurgents we see in far off lands, our forefathers hid in trees and behind bushes waiting to attack an oncoming army, striking in its matching uniforms and regimented steps across the battlefield. British troops were stymied as farmers and cobblers, writers and shopkeepers picked up their hunting rifles, found a common cause among men they had never met, and refused to fight a war dictated by a disciplined infantry shipped in from overseas.

Freedom meant something to our forefathers. Freedom was worth standing up for, and defending families for. Freedom - the right to live as they chose, the reason they fled the civilized country they had to find their way to a wilderness full of unknowns. They fought because they had made this land what it had become, and no one had the right to dictate their government, their way of life, their manner of success - least of all an army of men who had never lifted a finger during the toughest times of colonization, men who never gave one day of sweat to lay the groundwork for the communities they now tried to take with their bayonets, in-step assaults and fancy commanders parading on noble steeds.

The British came with all of their finery, confident that their will would overcome, ready to bring their form of government to an untamed land just waiting for its potential to be given the freedom to blossom. The British left, defeated, knowing a little more about the power of Freedom. The blood, sweat and tears of the Revolutionaries proved to be founded on something far more real than the invading army ever fully recognized.

If America would remember its history, America would see itself revisited in the events of today. Sadly, too many Americans only know the illusion of freedom, and once again, a glorious army, regimented in its steps on the battlefield, with well-designed uniforms and powerful guns find themselves facing revolutionaries of another era, a new generation, willing to hide in trees and behind stone steps using simple tools to create weapons; giving up lives in ways that this generation of Americans cannot fathom, simply because they have had a taste of the power of freedom, and they will not lose it again.

In our own Revolution, freedom fighters from other countries came to fight alongside our "patriots" as France sent soldiers to give strength to their cause. Different ideologies clashed and many died. Freedom was earned. Not because people died - but because they were willing to give everything they had to preserve their right to freely choose a way of life different from that which the repressive leaders of the invading force sought to impose.

Freedom is not something we can give. Freedom must be taken. Even on the day when our soldiers come home, even if, on that day, the war is declared a victory for "our side," true freedom for the Iraqi people will not exist because of what our country has done. The Iraqi people were already free - and the choices they make are the choices that decide the direction their collective lives take.

Americans invaded a sovereign country without being asked. Americans challenged that country saying we were coming as a "liberating force" and when the declared work was done, Americans stayed on not recognizing when their forced welcome had been worn. As the revolutionaries fought back, the Americans dug deeper trenches and built higher walls around their camps.

The defense of the Iraqi revolutionaries grew with the magnitude of the challenge - Freedom, real freedom, means everything, and as the intensity of its denial builds, so too does their defense of it. Desperate people do desperate things, and when it comes to defending what is rightfully theirs; the right to have no outside interference as their sovereign country challenges itself to grow, to reach out and to become what it was meant to be, they will go to extremes, simply because they know the value of what they are fighting for.

Americans can challenge them, call them extremists, insurgents, terrorists; but what Americans can't comprehend is the true extent a human being who has tasted real freedom will go to, simply to avoid being controlled by another. Americans cannot fathom such a response; they see it as uncivilized, as demonic because this generation of Americans has never been faced with having to fight that hard to defend their own freedom. They bargain for someone else to go in their place, they demand that another fulfill their duty, and they honestly believe they have earned the right to do nothing while others sacrifice in their name.

Freedom is there for the taking - always. All people choose daily - and their choices determine their way of life. Americans have chosen. Americans have chosen to allow themselves to be under surveillance; to allow the government to spend more money than it takes in; to allow themselves to be led. Americans have chosen to give government more power than the constitution allows, because Americans have relinquished the true value of freedom simply so their life can be easier to live.

Americans have lost the will to fight for their freedom, as they have become comfortable in their laziness. They are willing to demand that their soldiers protect their freedom as they sit idly in easy chairs watching the horrors of a war they created. Then Americans are willing to demand that the horrors of war be replaced by happy, feel-good news stories, as soldiers die and revolutionaries in an emerging country are labeled terrorists for daring to challenge America's illusion of freedom with a courage only displayed when faced with fighting for true freedom.

Freedom is inherent - and the repression people feel is the repression they freely choose to accept. When people no longer can accept being threatened, abused and mistreated by others, and have chosen to allow true freedom to manifest itself in their actions; they are no longer willing to compromise, they are free.

When we take steps to alter another's way of life, be it a person, or a country through interference they didn't request, we are violating human rights in the process; we are not giving them freedom, we are taking it away, by imposing our perception of their situation through our actions. The Iraqi people are held captive by our perceptions of their way of life, and the results of our actions have placed them in a situation they did not freely choose to accept.

As the years have passed, Americans have become more dependent on their government for their way of life. Day by day in Iraq, we are creating the same environment again as we continue to front the battles that Iraqis should be fighting for themselves. Perhaps the Iraqi people weren't ready for what our government thought we were bringing them. Perhaps, if we had been patient, the Iraqi people would have stood against their government at the time when they could no longer compromise, when their way of life was no longer something they were willing to freely accept - when they were ready. And by waiting, perhaps we could have been the country that helped them on their way rather than the occupier forcing them to make a choice they weren't ready to make.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, Conscientious Objector to war and the current status of this country, and currently serving a prison sentence at the RCF at Ft. Lewis, WA. To learn more - please visit Benderman Defense Trust.

Kevin and Monica may be contacted at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

A storm was brewing - and weather forecasters followed its path as it wound its way through the Atlantic and into the Gulf of Mexico. We saw computer images of projected paths. We watched as we were forewarned of the potential danger. Those with money, transportation and the wisdom of past experiences, gathered their loved ones, their belongings and left the danger areas. Others stayed in their homes preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, and believing that somehow a higher power would save them. Still others, those who didn't have the means or the experiences to guide them, simply continued their lives, trusting in their faith in others and themselves to see through the worst.

Government leaders did what government leaders do; held conference calls, sent emails, discussed possibilities and passed the buck. When the rains came, confident that enough meetings had been held to ward off any sense of guilt for not being attentive enough, leaders went on with their lives, thousands of miles from danger and thousands of perspectives away from what it truly means to live as working class citizens in these "great" United States.

In the days that followed, millions watched as first the levees intended to protect a city shakily started to crumble and break, and then as water poured over the top. In amazement we all saw the power of nature. How is it that anyone can still believe that we are in control?

What, in God's name, are we doing, America?

In this UNITED States -

Democrats are embroiled in heated political debates with Republicans - and the debates go nowhere. Why? Because this is an election year, and getting constituents' votes seems far more important than taking a stand to do the right thing, to protect moral values and to remember HUMANITY. Does anyone remember humanity? Did anyone ever stop to think that taking a stand to protect moral values actually might get those constituents to vote?

Military families who have all lost loved ones in this war are traveling around this country in V's, caught in confrontational exchanges with each other over who is speaking for whom? Why would you have to debate - surely you remember the middle ground? Someone you care about has given their life in this war. How you honor them is up to you. The fact is - you are so fiercely divided because of WAR. If there had never been a war, you would never have been in a position to bury your child, your husband, your father - without the pain that this war has brought, this division would not have become so hostile. Why did we let it get to the point of WAR - maybe because we really don't want to do the work to understand peace?

In religious meeting places across this country, people meet to pray and hear sermons pronouncing the lessons of their "one God," the ONLY God. Missionaries are sent to patrol neighborhoods and spread the word that the religion they are talking is the only one that can save us all, and if we don''t convert we will be damned to hell. Yet these same religions claim to profess the teachings of peaceful warriors - Jesus and Mohammed and others like them. Houses are divided as followers shout that theirs is the only way, and in the process seem to have lost sight of the Way.

Anti-War activists stand across roadways from those who oppose them and believe in military intervention. Banners fly and accusations are shouted as people march on capitol steps, in front of missions, across sidewalks and over barriers declaring that it is "their right for the taxes they pay." But everyone pays taxes - so what about the rights of those who disagree? And RESPECT - whatever happened to respect - for others, but also for ourselves?

On hundreds of college campuses student activists are demanding their rights to speak out at political speeches, at the same time demanding that military recruiters be barred from their school grounds. Whatever happened to promoting truth in selling, and freedom of choice? Demand that the military sell themselves honestly, and give all students the right to decide how they will live their lives. No one, not even a pacifist, has the right to choose the path another takes.

Across the world the citizens of other countries watch bemused, frustrated, angry and unsure of an outcome, as grown Americans who have somehow risen to positions of public leadership roles act like siblings in an oversized family, squabbling to be the one to get their parent's attention; not noticing amid the cacophony of rhetoric that their screeching is going nowhere and their parent has better things to do.

We are pro-abortion, anti-abortion; pro-war, anti-war; liberal, conservative; Christian, Muslim, Jew; we are black, white, and brown; we are gay, lesbian and heterosexual; we are educated, some by schools of "higher learning" and many more by life; we are a country at war but the war in Iraq is only a catalyst. We are citizens of states in America - but we are far from united.

Late last August, as my husband went to prison for declaring himself a Conscientious Objector to war, a storm roared into the view of our radar screens. It was a storm that had been circling for years. It was a storm of a magnitude never before seen in this country, or the world for that matter. The dangers of this storm had been predicted, and a long time coming. Those with the wisdom of their experiences wrote about what they saw and urged that our country prepare. As the brutal winds of this storm developed and its path became more clear, those who knew what was coming prepared their families and secured what was valuable to them. The storm is drawing closer, and there are still many who are just beginning to see the light. Many more will simply run inside to pray, hiding their heads in the sand, believing that their savior will be back to save them.

Look at what we have been shown by Katrina. Those who were prepared far in advance suffered the least. Those who believed in the government learned that bureaucracy is not to be counted on when real needs must be met. Those in government positions are simply people with a job to do. Whether that job gets done is another story. For those who trusted in prayer and believed that someone would save them, perhaps they learned the hardest lesson of all - few people are truly good to their word, and God gives us tools, but He expects us to do the work.

A child without discipline, without an understanding of the steps he needs to be prepared for what may come, is a child who becomes lost. In this country, we have watched ourselves become lost as the lessons of childhood were sacrificed for the illusion of success, and a belief that we deserved to have it all on credit - and leave the tab for the next generation.

A Conscientious Objector stands on principle, not just against a military war, but against chaos - and disruption - against the loosening of moral principles that demand self-discipline and that we "pay as we go." A conscientious objector respects himself, and in doing so respects others. A conscientious objector looks ahead and knows that to have Peace in our future, we must begin by disciplining ourselves today.

Being a pacifist does not mean simply not carrying a gun, and fighting a war to defend our freedom does little good when the soldiers return to a country divided.

The one thing everyone seems to have in common is their belief that what they are doing is fighting for Peace. Maybe Peace would get here faster if we would all simply just stop fighting.

Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, Conscientious Objector to war and the current status of this country, and currently serving a prison sentence at the RCF at Ft. Lewis, WA. To learn more - please visit Benderman Defense Trust

Kevin and Monica may be contacted at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

Who are these people of "authority?" They are people who have been elected to serve the citizens of our country; elected because campaign promises led us to believe they understood what the people wanted; promises, which, upon election, were accentuated by an oath of office in which they swore to uphold the law. They are not the authority; they are the people from among us chosen to follow the consensus of the people. They are people who seem to have forgotten who wrote the Law.

Some people write and say we must "submit to authority" and many argue that we must respect authority when authority tells us what to do.

Who is the authority of which they speak?

If they are referring to those currently in positions within our administration, what made them the authority? Until we, the people, elected them to their position, they were no different than us. Why do we believe that we give people who live, eat and breathe as we do authority over us - when we have simply given them an office from which to carry out the work given to them by "we" the people. Wouldn't that give us as much authority as those who have been given the position by which to keep our country steered in the right direction? Isn't it simply a matter of using our authority to make the system of government we have in place work for us?

There is ONE authority, and it speaks, well tries to speak to all of us. Some of us have chosen not to listen, while others have chosen to allow themselves to be led to believe they are not able to hear its voice without an interpreter. We all can hear the voice, if we are human. It comes to everyone of us - it is CONSCIENCE.

When did we, the people, reach the point that we needed someone to tell us right from wrong? We didn't elect people to office to tell us the difference between the two. We elected them because they claimed to understand the difference and took an oath to keep this country moving in a direction far away from wrong. They have simply been given a position in a government designed to keep the country organized, not to keep the people from having a voice.

Now we are being tested. Some have risen to the test and have faced the challenge. Men like Sgt. Kevin Benderman saw wrong in the direction this country was being led, listened to HIS conscience, and refused to be part of what moved us further in that direction. For daring to listen to true authority, he was imprisoned. In a country where those in our administration had sworn to uphold the right to freedom and steer this country with integrity, Sgt. Benderman is imprisoned for demonstrating integrity and declaring his right to freely choose to follow his conscience.

Many are facing the same choice Sgt. Benderman had to make. Many are choosing the path he has chosen - to listen to their conscience when they know that the direction they have been steered is wrong. They too suffer injustice. They too have taken a lonely path for while many give voice to their support of a principled stand, most simply avoid controversy and watch from the sidelines as those who believe they have authority try to imprison the truth to avoid facing their own fears.

A long time ago a man was crucified for daring to challenge those who believed they had authority.

What was God thinking as He watched a man whose followers claimed was His son being beaten, persecuted and nailed to a cross? What was His hope for this man who had traveled the countryside teaching God's word in the actions of his life? This man had many followers who professed to believe in his words, and who wrote of the glory of his actions. This man had disciples who claimed him to be a hero - the man with the courage and patient wisdom that they lacked. He believed them when they said they understood. Their actions proved differently as they simply watched while corrupt men in positions of "authority" destroyed the truth to avoid facing their own fears.

What was the lesson taught that these followers never learned?

How would our world be different if those who professed true love for this man, and true respect for how he had chosen to live, had grabbed the whips from those who beat him rather than stand silently watching, praying for God to save him?

How would we live today if those who claimed to have learned what this man lived to teach, had picked him up and carried him away rather than offering to pick up the cross and carry it for him when it became too heavy?

What makes people believe that God wanted the followers of this man to simply stand beneath the cross and watch him die rather than tearing it down, daring to give him the water those who abused him refused to offer?

What if the followers of this man had respected his life and the way he lived it to the same degree that they chose to glorify his death - so much so that they fought to keep him alive rather than watch him die, and gave him life to teach his lessons for 33 more years?

What if his followers saw him as a man of simple means yet strong in moral courage, someone they could emulate, rather than a deity placed high on a pedestal so as to have an excuse for never having to try to be what he had been?

This man wasn't the authority. This man was the teacher. We have had many teachers over thousands of years and they have spoken to us with many different voices. When will we hear? We will hear when we realize there is only one authority, and it speaks to all of us - it comes to us in the voice we can recognize, in the way we alone will understand - Conscience.

When will we listen to our voice of conscience rather than the voices of strangers who have never walked in our shoes telling us to wait in apathetic silence while we watch the truth being imprisoned and beaten by those who wish it would simply go away?

I don't care to ask, "What would Jesus do?" He's not here.

What will YOU do, in his place?

Monica Benderman is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, currently serving a 15 month sentence at the Ft. Lewis RCF for daring to speak the truth, angering his command to the point that they fabricated a case against him rather than authorize his Conscientious Objector claim. For more please visit Benderman Timeline and Benderman Defense

Monica and Kevin may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

To those who sit in easy chairs and try to pretend that nothing is wrong with corruption of the moral values of the country they live in, forgetting their responsibility to their own personal values in the process:

How can we trust you when you say you have our backs? You say we are your courage - no we are not. We are ours. You will have to find yours and stand with us if you want this country back.

How can we trust you when you write from other countries speaking of this country as if it were still your home? If it is your home, then why are you not here defending it?

How can we trust teachers and professors who say they are activists for this country, and yet tell us that they now write from abroad and encourage others to dissent through their writing? Who is going to believe that? You say you love your country? Where is your country? Is it America? Then why are you not here defending it?

You say you are teaching in other countries, working with students who care about global peace efforts. But you left us. Who is here teaching our students? What does your running do to demonstrate the power we have to change the corruption your country now faces? What does your moving away do when you are leaving bright-minded students in America who could learn from you to be the change we need? Or is it your country? You are not here.

How can we trust those who write copious amounts of activist rhetoric from computers with addresses that trace to nowhere? You say you stand by our sides in solidarity. How can we know that? With aliases and unknown addresses you are not seen. We have learned not to trust what will not come into the light.

For those in easy chairs believing that soldiers are fighting for your freedom, wake up and turn the movie off. Soldiers are dying because you refuse to do anything for yourself. Soldiers are dying because of your apathy and selfish conviction that as an American, your taxes buy your freedom on the blood of men you will never know.

For those who write of their inactions in another war, who regret running from service and not then having the courage to stand openly against the actions that made you run, don't regret what you didn't do. Do it now. Be strong enough to have the courage now.

One person will not save this country. Thousands of protest marches will not save this country, and yearlong discussions of what went wrong will not save this country. Writing of what you see from across the border will not save this country. Turning another reality show on and grabbing more potato chips, believing that our soldiers are saving this country, will most definitely not save this country.

Individuals will save this country. One at a time, working together. Individuals will make the difference when we realize that we must look at ourselves and what we have become. We must seek to be the change in our individual lives that we want to see in our country.

Simple acts can change what we now face. It takes many tugboats to turn a giant ship around, but to do so the tugboats must work together: the operative word being "WORK." Each one of us is a tugboat. But the ship isn't turning because still too few are working, and many are working against each other.

As we speak out against the corruption and disregard our administration shows for the laws defined by our constitution, we must remember to uphold those same laws in our actions. Disrespecting private property, defacing public property, and not allowing others the right to express their views when they differ from ours, simply to make a statement against the actions of our government, does little to restore the foundation of laws that is our constitution. Closing down recruiting offices because we don't like war does little to give others the freedom to choose. Setting up counter recruiting stations beside the recruiting offices to educate people to their choices gives them the knowledge to make the right choice for them, and upholds the constitution we are fighting so hard to defend.

Demanding a higher standard from our government by demonstrating a higher standard in our actions makes for a far stronger, more believable statement with respect to the changes we are trying to encourage.

We must work for a common goal, but we must realize that until we all work with the same standard, the same direction and as common team members, change will not happen.

Working against a system that is corrupt is overwhelming; a formidable task destined to fail when we believe that we must fight that system at its level. With every failed attempt more people desert the cause, run to another country, change their name, stop trying and turn the TV louder.

We do not have to change the system. We only have to change ourselves. As the people become the change, the system will become what the people have chosen. We must raise our standards, and know that because we maintain respect for ourselves we can expect the same from others.

We should demand that the work we ask of others be the highest standard possible. We can only do this with a clear conscience if we know that we are giving the highest standard possible in the work that we do.

We should expect that our children be taught well in the schools our taxes pay for. But we can only demand that if we know that, as parents, we have not forsaken our children in our own responsibilities to them.

We should ask that our community programs provide the kind of quality that we expect of the tax dollars we put into them. But we can only demand that if we are willing to participate in the programs, actively contributing to ensure that the standards are maintained.

We should expect that our government act with high moral standards and accountability to those it serves. But we can only do that if we give attentiveness to the process with the same moral standards and ethical principles that we demand of the government.

We can make America what it is now only professed to be. We can bring moral values and ethical principles back to our government. We can raise a new generation of Americans who will not want to leave when the going gets a little tough.

How can we do that? -- By living our individual lives with the same standards of moral values and ethical principles that we demand of our country as a whole. By holding our government accountable for their actions, and by not running from our responsibilities as Americans, living in America, we can restore what is now in disarray.

How do we change a country? The answer is simple. We start by changing ourselves.

Monica Benderman is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, a Conscientious Objector wrongfully imprisoned at the Ft. Lewis RCF in Washington, for taking a principled stand to defend our constitution and the rights it gives all American citizens. Please visit Benderman Timeline and Benderman Defense to learn more.

Monica and Kevin may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

The most severe acts of terror are far less prevalent than those with less harmful physical results, and yet their foundation lies in a society's willingness to accept the simpler, less noticeably damaging acts as part of life, and turn a blind eye to the lasting effects.

People only want to recognize terrorists as those who commit the most heinous of threatening acts. Our society seems to not want to see the simple acts of terrorizing that can happen to all of us, that ARE happening to all of us right here in our own country. Eventually, we must realize that it is the fact that we have allowed ourselves to be apathetic toward these actions that the systems by which our country operates have now become corrupt.

Americans are deserting their duty to their country, and their Constitution, every time a member of government, a member of the military or a member of our community uses fear-based threats to cause them to run away rather than stand for what they believe.

Americans desert their country and the foundations upon which it was built every time they believe it is another's responsibility to bring about the changes necessary to keep our country strong; every time they run and hide to keep from facing the challenge of standing against a corrupt policy or law.

Government institutions, community projects, and military policies will remain corrupt as long as Americans are willing to avoid their responsibilities. Those people who have been elected to serve the citizens of the United States will only act according to the manner in which those they serve demand that they act. If the people are apathetic, those in government are going to believe that we do not care. If the people do not care, there is no reason not to take advantage of what those in government have been given; an open checkbook with only one signature needed.

The American people, as a whole, are responsible for the threatening acts that have been used against us. The American people let their guard down. We were told that our country was secure, and so we lazily believed, not wanting to use the effort to see for ourselves. We learned the hard way that the security we were promised was nothing more than smoke and mirrors. Now, we blame the government, but it was the American people who did not step up and hold the administration accountable to its words.

Fear-based speeches and fear-based actions become simple acts of terrorizing against the American people. Continued assertions of threats of violence against the security of our country are being used to coerce our citizens into believing that we must continue the destructive road on which we now travel.

Americans can stop the forward progress of this threatening direction. Americans MUST do this if we hope for America to remain the country our founding fathers envisioned. All Americans must take a stand to defend our Constitution - a defense that does not need to happen at the end of an M-16. To bring about these changes, Americans cannot desert when the orders given are questionable and the consequences of making them right are more difficult than we want to handle. Even the smallest action matters in correcting laws that violate our constitutional rights. Every person who takes a stand will add one more brick to the foundation of principle that needs to be rebuilt in order for our country to get back on track.

In December 2004, Sgt. Kevin Benderman filed his Conscientious Objection application as a demonstration of his moral opposition to a military action with ramifications that violated our Constitution and the Law of Land our government is legally bound to follow. He made a legal demonstration of principle supported by the Army Regulation 600-43, which allows soldiers to have a change of conscience and be released from duty because of it.

Sgt. Benderman had seen war firsthand and became committed to taking a stand against any future participation in the use of violence to solve our differences with others.

Sgt. Benderman did not desert his unit; he did not run from his sworn duty. He stood his ground for what he believed, and expected nothing more than that the Army would follow its own regulations and afford him the rights allowed under the US Constitution which he had sworn to defend.

By the very act of taking a stand against war and the administration's policies directing it, Sgt. Benderman continued to fulfill his duty as an American soldier in defending the Constitution and the right to Freedom of Choice it guarantees all citizens.

Sgt. Benderman volunteered to serve in the US Army, and did so without question for 10 years of honorable service. His service for those ten years, and his actions during his combat tour in Iraq demonstrate his commitment to duty and to the lawful orders given by commanders as they apply to the defense of our Constitution and our country.

When the orders given and the faulty leadership demonstrated by his command called into question his personal principles, Sgt. Benderman exercised his rights as a human being and citizen of this country. As someone who willingly took an oath to follow legal orders and to use his actions to correct any conditions deemed detrimental to the integrity of the service, Sgt. Benderman saw clearly the actions of this war to be detrimental to the honor of the soldiers who had volunteered to serve and filed his conscientious objection to it.

From the onset of his application the lack of integrity in the command of his unit showed itself. His commander refused to process his application violating an Army regulation. His chaplain chose to debate the issue with Sgt. Benderman rather than assist him, another ethical violation of Sgt. Benderman's rights. Without benefit of an investigation into the trumped up charges threatening to be brought against Sgt. Benderman, the acting Commander of the installation where he was stationed pre-determined Sgt. Benderman's guilt and used his influence to encourage the prosecution to see that all actions led to a stiff sentence against Sgt. Benderman, regardless of the final decision on which charge to impose. This action was then openly publicized as an attempt to threaten any other soldiers who might consider making the same objection to war as Sgt. Benderman.

Throughout the trial process threats of further legal action and additional charges were made in an effort to cause Sgt. Benderman to plead guilty to a crime that he did not commit. He refused and the threatening acts continued. The command was angry for Sgt. Benderman's committed stand on principle brought their own actions into question and caused them to fear what would happen if they did not bring this soldier back into their control.

Sgt. Benderman is now in prison convicted on the basis of misrepresentations and conflicting testimonies. His court martial process serves as testimony to the corrupt system of justice now presiding in our US military.

The easy course would have been to run away, to hide and pretend that life was simple and peaceful. The easy course would have been to change a name, to move to another country justifying it by declaring the Constitution of this country to be dead and the government too far corrupt for change to happen. The easy course would have been to desert.

But desertion would only mean giving up. It would mean the work of generations of American pioneers who came before would be tossed away as if it didn’t matter. It would mean forgetting history. It would be a disservice to all those who toughed out the difficult times of building the foundations for this country in which we now live. It would mean dishonoring the sacrifice of every person who ever gave a part of their life to make the home they believed in, America, something to be proud of.

Guns, missiles and pre-emptive wars against the peace are not going to make us secure and they are not going to stop terrorist acts.

Americans will stop terrorist acts when they finally dare to face their fears and take a stand against the threats being made against them and demand that the foundation on which this country was created be restored.

The easy course or the path to principle - which road will you choose?

Monica Benderman is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, wrongfully imprisoned for being a Conscientious Objector to war. Please visit Benderman Timeline and Benderman Defense to learn more.

Monica and Kevin may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

Have you forgotten the purpose - while you fight so hard for the cause?

We gave more than you know to war. We gave time, we gave life, we gave freedom - all because we believed our country would respect the sacrifice and appreciate the gift.

Have you forgotten?

Those of us who have given - know the value of what we gave. But do those who took the gift understand its significance? Do you know we didn't fight for you? We fought for the right to walk away, to know that we had done our part that we gave all we had for the "common good"” We believed that every person would fight equally hard for the lives they had been given, and learned the hard way what it means to be taken advantage of by so many who seem to believe they do not have to stand for themselves.

In this country of credit, of rewards before the work, of people believing they are owed something for nothing - we gave. We put our lives on hold to fulfill what we believed was our duty. We did it so that when we were done, we could walk away in peace, knowing that we deserved the right to live as we choose - the right we fought for.

We have earned our freedom. We have done our part.

But you have forgotten - or is it that you never really knew?

We are people. We breathe, we care - we laugh and we cry. We have children, parents, and grandparents. We have private lives and responsibilities that belong to us - and should be no one else's concern. We have dreams together that will only work if we are allowed to see them through together, without interference from those who claim to know us but have never gotten past what we have allowed them to see.

We are not a cause - we are not THE cause - we do not work for the cause.

There should be no cause. There should only be life - pure and simple. Life - private and free - with no one trying to control what is not theirs to control.

We are fighting for our lives, and the right to walk our own way, knowing what lies on either side - blending the edges of each to mark the center of the path we follow.

We respect those who choose as we do. Not necessarily those who make the same choices, but those who dare to walk their own way as well, choosing for themselves, blending the edges of their choices in a way that defines themselves as individuals in a world that doesn't seem to understand individuality.

Many have forgotten as they work for a cause; as they cling to the edge of their side of life, so fearful of losing control of what they believe that they do anything they must to keep the voices of the other side from being heard.

No side is winning. People are losing.

Stop and look at what is happening - before we have lost completely.

The edges must blend - we cannot have one without the other - day and night, black and white, activists and pacifists, Muslim and Christian, Muslim and Jew.

When you stare across the road as you are holding your signs of protest, and there are those on the other side staring back with signs of their own, what do you see?

When you read the story of a veteran of war who has faced himself and made the choice to walk away from the violence he came to understand war to be, why do you argue so hard against his choice? Why are you so determined to keep him from making a choice that is his to make? You are free to live as you choose. Why are you so afraid to let this man do the same?

When you see a family praying in a way that you do not pray, why do you question their faith against your own? If your faith were truly strong you would understand theirs. Is it that you fear yourself and therefore cannot allow others the freedom to not be afraid?

When you see a relationship so different from your own, why do you turn away in disgust? Is it because even in its difference, the relationship has connections you cannot feel in yours? Does it frighten you to think that their truth is showing you what you are missing?

When you hear of another country where people live differently than you, what makes you so afraid that you create stories of fear and doubt - that you see them as less fortunate for not being as you are? Is it because they seem at peace while you run from the turmoil? Do you know? Or do you fear without seeing?

NO side is winning. People are losing.

Daily we hear of new rights being challenged, new rights being demanded. Can you see? These are not rights for the living, for freedom, for people? They are rights that justify fear, for inhibiting freedom, for taking way individuality. They are rights determined by someone's "cause" not by someone's life.

The fear of the individuality of another has caused us to be so insecure that every time our way of life is challenged we must create a law to protect our right to live in fear. The rights of "causes" are now protected, as people are lost in the cause.

America was once about freedom. The freedom to choose to live as an individual, according to what worked for you, as long as it did not injure another according to moral and ethical principles.

Stop and ask yourself - do another's differences hurt you, or do they simply cause you to be afraid? Ask honestly, why it is you are afraid? Could it be you fear the cause?

Could it be you have forgotten who you are?

Monica Benderman is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, wrongfully imprisoned for being a Conscientious Objector to war. Kevin is currently serving a 15 month sentence at the Ft. Lewis RCF in Washington. Please visit Benderman Timeline and Benderman Defense for more information.

Monica and Kevin may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

The children grow and remember Christmas past as they watch their own child's hands wrapped gently around the flickering light of one candle as "Silent Night" is softly echoed in a darkened sanctuary.

What have we learned?

A baby was born long ago, in a manger full of hay. His parents were not rich, but they loved each other and they loved their child. He was a child of God, a gift. God knew this couple would love their child, and so He trusted them to raise him well. This child grew, and lived his life the best he could. He learned from great teachers, and he walked the earth because he lived at a time when there was little other form of conveyance for a man of meager means. He loved, for he understood. He taught what he had learned, to all who would listen. He was a man of peace, for he knew that in the quiet of peace, the answers come. He understood that not all men saw as he did, and he was patient. He listened, and heard their fears, he watched them live and knew that if he could somehow show them not to be afraid, they, too, would find the peace he knew so well.

Men followed him, for they wanted what he had. Men revered him for the gifts he gave, and raised him to lofty heights for surely no man except a man of God could be so patient, so understanding, so kind, and so wise. Men praised him, and wrote stories about him. Before long, he was a hero. Everywhere he traveled people knew his name, and glorified him, and as the story grew, so did the image, but the man remained the same. He knew who he was. Just a man.

In time, he began to believe the stories, and he began to believe the power the stories gave through the idolatry of the men who followed him. When he needed it most, the peace he had felt, the patience that it offered, seemed to disappear and he too, became afraid. But in the silence that nature and time alone can give, he found himself again and knew that what was in his heart had never left him - it was he who had chosen not to see.

Humility returned as he remembered the gifts were only there as long as he realized in whose name they had been given.

Men feared him for the peace that surrounded him. Powerful men wanted to destroy him, for those who followed him seemed strengthened in themselves, and would not blindly follow the leaders of the day. The sins of man led to this man's death. Fear - because this man lived in peace, and those who followed him did so without being threatened, coerced or bought. They followed him simply because he accepted them, walked with them, held their hand and listened - even when their differences were disfiguring, when they spoke in different languages, when they practiced different customs.

Somewhere tonight a child will be born. To his parents, this child will be a gift from God. A demonstration of God's trust in them to raise the child well, to teach him to live in peace and to raise him to walk among men with humility, patience and consideration for all.

How is this child different than the one we honor in the manger? He is no different. He will have the same gifts given, and the same hopes shared. He will begin his life in the same simple way that all children are.

This child will be given teachers, he will have the opportunity to learn as he grows, and the chance to practice peace in his life.

He will be influenced by his world. Will it be a world of peace, a world where he can find the silence in which to learn to listen to his heart?

Will it be a world that will allow him to understand what he is given, and how to use these gifts? Will it be a world where he is accepted for who he is, someone who cares, who listens, who holds hands with those who are disfigured, who speak different languages, who practice different customs?

Will he learn the wisdom of moral courage when faced with threats from people who fear him?

If he does, will he be seen as an idol, someone to be revered and honored, someone elevated to such a standard that others will see him as a savior rather than just a man with enough faith in himself to live by his own beliefs? Will people look at his actions, and his life and walk away, afraid of what he is and the standard that he sets?

Will he remain strong in his principles, and humbled by the life he has been given?

Or will he forget where his gifts came from, and let the love of power, money, and fame interfere with the peace in his heart, and cause him to forget who he really is? Will his love of external trappings overshadow the real gifts, so that he becomes defensive and untrusting of anyone who does not think as he does? Will he allow material gains to define him, so that he lives in fear of their loss unmasking the shallow illusion of a man? Will he reach for security in the form of guns, chemical weapons, war; destroying anyone who threatens to reveal his weaknesses?

Every child born is no different than the child in the manger.

What have we learned?

Monica Benderman is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, wrongfully imprisoned for his Conscientious Objection to war. Please visit their websites at Benderman Timeline and Benderman Defense to learn more about Kevin's case.

Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net.

He had been told that he was fighting for freedom, the freedom of his country. But with every tour it seemed that he, and his country, were a little less free. He gave with honor; he fought because he had been told it was right. He fulfilled his duty to his country, but he sacrificed his duty to himself in the process.

Earl returned from the war to his family and to work in the oil industry. No matter whom he was with, he never felt whole. No matter what he did, he never felt free. He gave and gave, a generous man, but everything was taken and never replaced, and the aching grew more painful. No matter how hard he tried, the world seemed to take advantage of him, and he couldn't say no because he thought giving would be the way to redeem his actions in the hidden swamps of Viet Nam.

Earl had lived on the beach for ten years. The pain grew too great and he could no longer face those who demanded his life. He'd given all that he had.

I returned for many nights, and between sips of coffee and nibbles on dark chocolate, Earl told me his feelings and showed me his world.

I asked him one night if he thought Peace would ever come. Earl responded, "It's here, people just can't see it because of all the traffic lights."

Earl, like the soldiers who fight in Iraq today, served his country believing that it was the highest duty he could perform, that of keeping us free. But he learned, like so many of the soldiers of today are coming to understand, freedom doesn't come at the end of a gun. War – soldiers sent to kill those we fear. But all that does is give us more to fear. Once we've killed many, there will be those who seek retribution, and we will have more to kill. Shall we just blast away until they're all gone? Then what will be left - people who will then turn on themselves out of fear? What is the point?

America is not free. We are owned by our possessions, by our drive for success, by our need to be superior, by our belief that our way is right. As long as we have material wealth, we will live in fear of someone coming to take it away. How does that make us free?

America will never know peace or freedom as long as Americans believe that monetary wealth is what defines a person's success. We lock our doors, our cars have alarms, and our businesses have security guards. We have air marshals, and now train and bus marshals. Our travel bags are checked and every purchase we make is done after we present valid identification. How can anyone think we are free? Americans will blame the terrorists, but it is not the terrorists that confine us. We confine ourselves by placing crazy values on ridiculous possessions that have no meaning to life, except as a way to give our neighbors the impression that we have actually made something of ourselves.

We live in fear of thieves stealing away our possessions in the night, "identity theft." Without the fancy accoutrements we are empty, exposed for the frauds we are.

Americans are all actors in a carefully scripted play. We wear expensive makeup so no one can see our faces. We dress in fine costumes pretending to be something other than what we are. We watch our words and plan our conversations, re-write letters to "friends" until they sound just right. We treat new relations to fancy dinners and extravagant dates, only to have the relationship sour when we can no longer keep up the pretense and the truth is revealed.

Our soldiers can't win our freedom. Our soldiers will die; more soldiers will fill their ranks. This war will end and a new one will begin, just as soon as another country's leaders start to see through the threadbare cloak of illusory success that our next administration hides behind under the guise of leading the greatest country on earth.

Until Americans see the truth and face themselves our soldiers will sacrifice for what they believe is a worthy cause. They will return home and try to find their peace with families who tell these veterans that they are honorable as they lovingly try to help ease the inner turmoil that comes from combat. They will try to feel fulfilled in unfulfilling work that pays the bills but confines them even more. They will look at themselves in the mirror and wonder how much more they have to give before they will have won their freedom, and their country finally pays them back by actually making a commitment as strong as theirs in defending peace.

One night during the winter, I visited Earl one last time.

We sat in the rocks and looked out over the waves crashing on the jetties extending into the night. Earl said, "Look out there past the stars, and beyond the white caps. See where the darkest part of the sky touches the darkest part of the sea?" I looked and the two came together touching and seemed to extend beyond the night and it was easy to imagine someone sitting on the opposite shore, thousands of miles away, thoughts in a different language but with the exact same meaning.

Earl put his coffee down and raised both hands. He said, "When I look out at the place where the darkness comes together, that's when I know that I am finally whole." He took a breath, and closed his eyes. Quietly he finished, "And it is living here where nothing controls me, and the sound of the surf rocks me to sleep that I know that I am finally free."

Sgt. Kevin Benderman is a Combat Veteran and a Prisoner of Conscience, serving a 15 month sentence at Ft. Lewis, WA, wrongfully imprisoned for his opposition to war. Please visit Benderman Defense and Benderman Timeline for more information.

Monica, his wife, may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

The military prison is filled with the usual criminal element, narcotics and alcohol abusers, thieves, and child molesters. It has been said that the best chance of parole from this facility is for the child molesters - tells you a lot about our society - the society that professes such a high moral standard that we can dare to invade other countries to bring that same standard to their shores.

In among the criminals, sleeping on a three inch thick mattress, sitting in plastic chairs staring at the walls all day, and waiting for months at a time to have his request for a call to his attorney fulfilled, is one who is furthest from the criminal element, a man the Anti-War movement lovingly refers to as a "Prisoner of Conscience." Labels, always the labels. Sgt. Kevin Benderman stands for everything that should be right in this country. This man stands for liberty, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, FREEDOM to be himself and live as he chooses.

This "Prisoner of Conscience" is jailed because we have been told that we must fear him, just as we fear those who have committed crimes against society, the rapists, molesters and thieves who victimize with their lack of moral principles. Our government has told us we must fear the Conscientious Objectors because they have stood against an illegal war of aggression. Our government, threatened by Sgt. Benderman's moral stand to defend humanity and our constitution, has imprisoned him in the hopes that the slamming of the rusty, mildewed bars will silence his message of truth.

I know I will get letters, and I know I will anger many. To quote a rather public common citizen of this country, I say "Bring It On." It's time for America to face what it has refused to see - itself in its death throes.

War will never bring peace. War will only bring one more generation who will seek war as a solution. We hear repeatedly that victory must be achieved in this war for us to move closer to peace, and that victory means the end to all those who are our enemy now fighting against us. Where is the victory in killing? We are only creating more enemies, and the time without war that will follow will not be a time of peace.

That time will be a time of regrowth, when the wounds of the generations to come out of this war lay quiet and fester. When the anger at the crimes of humanity suffered at our hands is fed with the education of lessons learned in this most recent battle. In time, when we least expect it, the fetid smell of a people no longer willing to live with the guilt of the atrocities they allowed us to commit on their lives, will creep across the oceans and slither across our shores. Our new generation, lulled to sleep with the false sense of peace brought on by an illusion of superiority, will find itself shocked and awed that the security we thought we had was nothing more than a blanket now burning at the foot of a 100 story building built to represent success at the edge of the ghettos we drive home to each night.

We cannot win at war. No one wins in war. Calling Sgt. Benderman a "coward" because he refuses to be a mercenary for men who do not have the courage to defend themselves, does nothing except show a person's true colors. Relying on someone else to die so that people can sit on their sofas and grow fat on beer and chips, justifying their right by claiming they pay taxes to this country, is about as worthless an excuse as "men" can have.

Pacifism without a commitment will not achieve peace; it is a cop-out - no different than those evangelicals who go to church each week waiting in prayer believing that someone is coming to save them. Protest marches on weekend afternoons that have been planned for months so that those we speak against will be prepared with cleverly scripted comebacks, are not the way to achieve Peace. Singing the praises of the “prisoners of conscience” who wait in cells for someone to finally see the light, but not demonstrating our commitment to their stance in our own lives, is not the way to achieve Peace. The songs may be great for morale, but whose? Who benefits by songs for a cause when we forget that the "cause" has men like Sgt. Benderman as its foundation. This man speaks the truth so strongly because he is a soldier who has been to war, and yet sits behind bars for the fear he instills in the administration when he says he will no longer be party to their destructive ways. How can we fight to end a war, and not fight as strongly to end the wrongful imprisonment of a man who dares to speak the truth for all of us?

Sgt. Benderman is wrongfully imprisoned, not for doing great things, but for doing the right thing, and for standing against a corrupt system whose administration fears the statement his actions speak. He is imprisoned because his country has done so little to demand that the principles of our constitution be upheld. He is imprisoned because the citizens of this country have shirked their responsibility by believing the work of Peace was not their job. The citizens of this country have failed, by NOT demanding that moral conscience be the foundation of all of our actions.

He is told how great a stand he is taking and encouraged to continue, and to know that the difficulties he is facing are worth the struggle for the manner in which he is leading others to the truth, all the while people on both sides take full advantage of their "freedom," taking for granted exactly what the word freedom really means.

Peace takes work; does anybody know what that means? Peace takes passion. Peace requires that we allow ourselves to feel - pain, hurt, agony, loss, heartache, rage, hate.

Peace requires that we act on those feelings with control, and patience. Peace requires that we never let our enemy know we're coming.

Peace requires that we fight the terrorist tactics of those who would claim that war is the answer by using every passionate means we have to keep ourselves from acting on the pain, the hurt, the agony and the rage with anything less than absolute moral courage.

Peace requires a trust in knowing that rifles and tanks are no match for an adherence to strong ethical principles, the weapons of moral courage that bear NO resemblance to loaded guns.

Peace requires that we look into the eyes of another and see their pain, but also feel their love. Peace requires that we know ourselves, that we look in the mirror and see who we are, our strengths and our weaknesses.

Peace requires that we ACT - that WE act, not that we rely on the actions of another to represent what we would do if we had the courage. Peace requires that we act as a non-violent, yet aggressive consensus against what our government has done in our name.

Peace requires that we all have the courage to face the reality of this dying country, and nurture its goodness in the ways that haven't been for generations, so that its spirit knows we care enough to fight for its soul, its heart - and defend its life by living up to the ideals on which it was founded, each of us in our individual lives.

Peace requires that we look at those men and women so impersonally labeled as "prisoners of conscience" and know their names, and know what they are fighting for. Peace requires that we know in our hearts that we must give with as much passion for life as they have, and not in words alone.

Can you bear the cold to be honestly free? Can you bear a Christmas without the warmth of a Yule log, without the comfort of a family around you, without the voices of angelic carolers at your door?

Can you dare to look at your enemy square in the eye, lay down your loaded weapon and honor life, putting your enemy's life above death, trusting your strength enough to know that you can lead him to Peace?

If you cannot, then you do not deserve to say that you fight for Peace, and the strength of the "Prisoners of Conscience" will indeed be something to fear.

Sgt. Kevin Benderman is a wrongfully confined as a "prisoner of conscience" for refusing to participate in war. Please visit Benderman Defense and Benderman Timeline to learn more about his actions.

His wife, Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

My husband went to war because you ALL agreed that there was no other choice. Hundreds of thousands of our American soldiers were sent to war, sent to sacrifice for what you all agreed was a significant defense of this country, to die because you all agreed there was no other option.

But that was not the truth. It was an illusion presented, not because you felt the American people needed to believe war was needed to ensure the greatest defense of this country, but because you, almost to a letter, wanted to make sure the American people believed enough in you that they would re-elect you to another term. Without examining all the facts, without demanding precise verifiable evidence to show that war was necessary, you voted, en masse, to send our soldiers to war.

My husband sits in a military prison because he dared to speak the truth. This war did not need to happen. He didn't care if he had the support of the American people. He risked everything to tell the truth, his health benefits, his children's college education, his career, and everything he had worked for, including ten years of honorable service, and a combat tour in Iraq. The truth was more important to him, and he was sent to prison on trumped up charges because he was not afraid to stand alone and speak it. His command presented false testimony, manipulated evidence and lost witnesses and ultimately sent him to prison, to keep him from telling the truth. BUT he persisted - and today we persist together - the TRUTH matters - and in the end the TRUTH wins.

What are you doing to tell the truth? What are you willing to risk? Not one thing.

You sent our soldiers to war to protect your elected office. You banded together because you saw the polls and you knew it was what the American people wanted. Why did they want it? Because a president, vice president, secretary of defense, secretary of state and a myriad of tongue-wagging, drooling groupies all gathered together and told them this administration could be trusted. Somewhere in the mix, people forgot - POWER CORRUPTS - and most assuredly makes those who believe they have the power forget.

You forgot that the American people put their trust in you to lead them well, as one of us - with integrity, and honesty - with the TRUTH.

You forgot that our soldiers are human beings. They bleed and they die.

You forgot that our military commanders are human beings, common citizens. They may be leading "troops" but that doesn't make them heroes, and it does not make them know how to command. They were not promoted because they were good leaders, they were promoted because they were good followers.

I can assure you - good leaders are not allowed to exist in the US military - and it is becoming more apparent by the day that good leaders are not allowed to exist in our US government either.

Good leaders are not afraid to stand alone. Good leaders don't care if they are re-elected, they care if the choice they make is the wisest choice for the country they have been elected to serve.

Good leaders remember that volunteers, such as those in our military, demand greater respect than any person who has been elected to office. These volunteers dared to step out, to take a risk, to offer their lives for what they believed in. These volunteers are the leaders for it wasn't money, nor public opinion that drove them, it was a commitment to defend the constitution on which this country was founded, a commitment which you, in your need to preserve your office, have betrayed.

You all have forgotten that. As elected officials, you must work harder to prove yourselves leaders. You have volunteered nothing. You have sacrificed nothing. You did vote yourself a pay raise - but in my book, raises are earned. Sorry - but you all are failing. You owe this country, and it's time to pay. We've given you opportunities, we've waited for you to show your integrity and moral courage, to speak in defense of this country and the soldiers who sacrifice for it. You have not come through.

This war is over - it shouldn't be about winning or losing. It should be about stopping the madness, and facing the truth. Winning is that no more people die at the hands of this administration, and in the name of the American people.

Winning is realizing that we know nothing about the Iraqi culture, and didn't care about it to begin with. We didn't go to war to save Iraq - we went to war to establish a presence in the Middle East, to overthrow a dictator we put in place, and could no longer control. We went to war because we knew that a weak but defiant dictator wouldn't be around much longer, and it was better to replace him with a US friendly government than risk the alternative. Winning is knowing that trying to control that which is not ours to control fails every time.

Winning is that we do not allow members of this administration to use our soldiers to reconcile their own guilt for commitments left unfinished and promises broken. Winning is that we, as a country, do not allow "born-again Christians" to use our sons and daughters, our money and our lives, to save their souls before the judgment day.

Winning is that we put LIFE first - not political position, not government perks - fancy offices, high-priced tickets at exclusive Christmas presentations, scripted exits from chartered jets.

Winning is that the American people turn on C-Span and hear their elected officials leading the way with the truth, in speeches that criticize, that differ, that challenge, that are recognized as original because they are spoken from the heart, with wisdom and intelligent research providing the basis for the presentation - not concern for how many votes will be garnered in the next election. How can anyone believe an elected official who doesn't speak his own words? Speech writers??? We are not voting for the speech writers.

Talk is cheap - and the rhetoric of today's politicians isn't worthy of being given away.

Soldiers are dying - Innocent civilians are dying. America is dying - because power corrupts.

Where are the leaders? I know where one is. He is sitting in a military prison because he is unafraid to give everything he has to tell the truth. So, Congress wants someone to follow, there's a man to follow. What's it going to take? You want greatness - you want to be remembered - you want another plaque to hang on your wall - "a true servant of the people? "

A true leader doesn't respond to the will of the people. A true leader responds to wisdom, knowledge and the Highest good, knowing that at first he will stand alone, but with the courage and strength to lead others to what he knows.

Who among you has moral courage? Who among you will stand with my husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman, and put the truth before your career?

Who among you is worthy of being called a leader?

Who among you is not afraid?

Sgt. Kevin Benderman is a Prisoner of Conscience, serving a 15 month sentence at Ft. Lewis, for filing as a Conscientious Objector to war. Please visit our websites at Benderman Defense and Benderman Timeline.

Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

WHO exactly tells us we are right?

Who is it that has decided that our side is right?

Some blame a president. Who made him right?

Some blame a congress. Who made them right?

Who are these people that three hundred million Americans have allowed them to lead us into something so very wrong as war - with the illusion of their being right?

They are members of a political party - in this great country, we seem to be controlled by TWO. Who made them right?

Who gave the leaders of these two parties the authority to handpick those candidates that the rest of America would have to choose to lead them? What made their choices right?

WHY are American citizens allowing anyone at all to tell them what is right without question and without verifiable proof?

America - The Land of the FREE.

People tell me that we are only free because our soldiers are willing to sacrifice their lives to keep us that way. What makes them right?

If we have to die to preserve our freedom, then something is very wrong.

If people are willing to die at our hands to defend their right to their own freedom - something we claim to be so significant in our actions - then how can we tell them they are wrong?

Freedom means having the right to live as one chooses - and that right is earned because the choices one makes do not disrespect the choices of others, which may be different than ours. Who is right?

Don't tell me our soldiers are dying in Iraq to keep us free. We are more imprisoned now than we ever have been - because our soldiers are dying in Iraq.

We invaded Iraq because our country thought it was right, and Iraq was wrong. The Iraqi people maintained their standards. They did not invade us, they did not threaten us - even though many felt that America was wrong.

We say they are wrong now, because they attack us for being in their country. They are defending themselves - what makes them wrong?

We have sacrificed everything we ever had that made us free - we sacrificed everything that was right about America on the day we invaded Iraq.

We sacrificed this country's integrity, its principles, and its moral courage on the day we invaded Iraq.

We sacrificed ethics, concern for humanity, dignity and honor.

Freedom? What freedom?

We have freely built an arsenal to surround ourselves with. Every weapon man could imagine - closing the doors on our freedoms.

War is the total loss of freedom. War confines, war dictates, war destroys. War demands that one control another - and yet no one is in control.

Freedom means controlling oneself so that no one else can control you. Freedom does not mean imposing your "rightness" on another.

Freedom is respect - respect that has been earned because we know the value of that freedom - hard earned, not by killing others. Freedom is earned by staying committed to a standard, a set of principles. Freedom means that no one, regardless of what they do, will allow us to fall from the standard of integrity that we have chosen for ourselves. Moral Courage.

Freedom looks at another, not as an enemy because he thinks differently and not to give us the right to tell him he is wrong . Freedom looks at another and understands the value of what he has earned - his differences - his being RIGHT - for himself - and Freedom honors those differences because they were hard earned - because he holds himself to his own standards.

Freedom allows differences - for without differences how would we ever grow stronger in our humanity? How would we ever remain free?

America is not free. Americans don't know freedom. Americans know fear - and so America goes to war. We will continue to imprison or destroy anyone who disagrees - as long as we fear facing the question of being wrong.

Who made America right? What will it take to make America free?

Sgt. Kevin Benderman is currently serving a 15-month sentence at Ft. Lewis WA, as a Prisoner of Conscience, for declaring himself a Conscientious Objector to war against the Army's wishes. Please visit Benderman Defense and Benderman Timeline for more information.

Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

How do you trust a country that allows a soldier who refuses to participate in war crimes to be sent to prison for 15 months, and allows a slap on the hand for soldiers who burn bodies, desecrate religious material and openly abuse a culture they do not understand?

How do you trust a people when there are those who believe that the greatest way to protest the indiscretions of our administration is to commit flagrant, planned indiscretions of their own?

How do you trust a people when there are those who believe that the way to encourage our administration to uphold the laws and constitution of our land is to act in a way that disrespects the laws and constitution of our land?

How do you trust a people when there are those who claim to be fighting against the "big money politics," grandstanding and negative tactics of those in the administration who needlessly sent our soldiers to die - who use "big money politics," grandstanding, and negative tactics to plead their case?

How do you trust a country whose actions do not match its words?

How do you wake a country that refuses to believe?

How do you wake a country that stares injustice in the face, and simply walks on by?

How do you wake a country where torture, child abuse and needless murders happen on a daily basis - and tell them before we can begin to clean another's house, we'd better be cleaning ours?

How do you heal a country that has not seen its open, bleeding wounds?

How do you heal a country when its people close their eyes to the pain, struggles and emotional turmoil of the soldiers who have volunteered their lives to keep these people safe?

How do you love a country that only knows the word and not the meaning?

How do you love a country that claims moral integrity, and yet sends its sons and daughters to war without question?

How do you love a country where parents believe in the honor of their children dying in their name - where parents go on living because of the sacrifice their sons and daughters made, and see nothing wrong with burying children who died to keep their parents "free? "

How do you believe the word of people who say they speak for the common good, and then erect monuments to their efforts before their efforts have achieved a thing except publicity for themselves and their name?

How do you save a country that does not want to save itself?

How do you save a people that allows their government to prepare for war - prepare to send their sons and daughters to die - with so little regard for their lives that they don't demand a review of the intelligence for war until THREE YEARS AFTER they make that final, fatal decision, and thousands have died?

How do you save a people when they do not demand - BEFORE their sons' and daughters' lives are put in harm's way - that they see irrefutable proof that there is no other choice?

How do you save a people who blame their government for the decisions it makes - the government that is elected by the people, answerable to the people as determined by the founding documents of this country?

How do you save a country that allows innocent men, women and children of a country it willingly invaded to die in a war they did not instigate?

How do you save a country that is not yet outraged over attempts to justify the need to keep torture tactics "on the books" as a tool for gathering intelligence - and yet declare themselves moral and just?

How do you save a country where people declare themselves free to choose, and yet lock a man in prison for freely making a choice?

How do you have faith in a country that allows your husband to go to jail for speaking freely, for taking a principled stand - and doesn't demand justice, but rather says to "remember he is sacrificing for the cause, his sacrifice is for the good of all, he stands for freedom?" -- Where the people who claim to honor another's sacrifice, give nothing but lip service to the "cause?"

You do it - because doing anything else would be to lower your standards to a place you will not allow yourself to go - in spite of the broken promises of others. And you hope that you touch one who understands - one more who will do all that they can, except sacrifice themselves for a cause that has become as much of an illusion as the cause it was meant to stand against.

Sgt. Kevin Benderman is currently serving a 15-month sentence at Ft. Lewis WA, as a Prisoner of Conscience, for declaring himself a Conscientious Objector to war against the Army's wishes. Please visit Benderman Defense and Benderman Timeline for more information.

Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

America spends a fortune on our military. We sing songs to honor them, raise the flag in their name, and lower it to honor their death. We build walls to remember them by - crazy - walls built up to remember those who died under the pretense of making us free.

Wake up, America. Stop believing in the illusion. Our soldiers are not protecting our freedoms by dying - not the freedoms we profess.

Men and women are imprisoned every day for speaking their mind in this land of the free. Soldiers died for that?

Children are abused and murdered every day for actions of parents who assert that they are free to raise their children as they choose. Soldiers died for that?

Elderly parents and grandparents are lost in the system of nursing homes and assisted living facilities with care givers who just don't care, while sons and daughters remember their birthdays in cards mailed from around the corner, to avoid facing the guilt from not visiting sooner. Soldiers died for that?

Americans waste more lives than we dare to realize. Rather than do the work to live by a higher standard, we make laws that justify our right to "freedoms"” Freedom from what?

Responsibility.

It's not about blind obedience to laws designed to justify our weaknesses. It is being strong enough to question laws that deny human rights and protect a lie. It is about taking a stand, and recognizing that an evil act is an evil act, regardless of how it is justified. If someone's life is at risk by the action, then the action is wrong - laws can't cover the truth.

The greatest test of a man's morality is not if he is willing to kill a perceived enemy to prevent an attack, but if he is willing to use moral courage to recognize his own weaknesses as the reason for his fear, to strengthen those weaknesses and thus disarm his enemy.

Veterans served to defend the constitution and the freedoms it gives; to make the right choice, and when it is a crime against humanity, to take a stand and recognize that it is the wrong choice, to walk away as a conscientious objector and be honored for taking the higher ground. Don't kid yourselves. America has not repaid these veterans for their service - Americans pile on the honors, medals, speeches, a street in a veteran's name. America, it's an illusion. The honor you give is empty when your actions do not back up your words. Veterans put their lives on the line to defend the right to humanity, not so Americans could shirk their responsibility to humanity.

Veterans should be respected and honored, because they stood for what they believed. They faced the demons, and dared to stand for the ideal of freedom - even while Americans were taking their sacrifice for granted. Veterans do not need another medal. They need Americans facing their weaknesses and accepting responsibility for what this country has become.

Veterans are fighting to save themselves. America you do not deserve the sacrifice you claim they have made in your name. You most assuredly do not deserve to look a veteran in the eye and thank him with words void of any meaning, and medals to honor his bravery. Empty words and hollow symbols that merely hide your weakness at not daring to defend yourselves mean nothing to a veteran who has walked through fire for what he believes.

Wake up America - no one is going to save you - except you. As long as you believe in illusions this country will never heal. Take a stand for your beliefs, and act to save yourselves. One more Veterans' Day has arrived. Will you rise to the occasion, honor the high standards our veterans have set in defending our constitution, or will you make another empty promise to believe in an empty cause? It is only a coward who hides in a building and waits in prayer for a savior to come.

Sgt. Kevin Benderman is a prisoner of conscience serving a 15 month sentence for filing a Conscientious Objector application and refusing to participate in this war. Please visit his websites at Benderman Timeline and Benderman Defense.

Monica Benderman may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net.

Kevin Benderman did everything he could to demonstrate to the military, and to the world, that he did not want to go to jail, by consistently performing his required duties without letting the challenge he faced keep him from his responsibilities.

Why would anyone want to go to jail? Why would anyone challenge the legal system to put them in jail?

Kevin Benderman followed the rules and filed an application to be recognized as a Conscientious Objector to war. The military command broke the rules. They did not follow their own procedures, and through their failing of the law, Kevin Benderman is the one serving time. The legal system of our country failed and did not uphold our constitution.

Days and nights are spent working diligently on a plan of action for ensuring due process in Kevin's case. As he sits in abhorrent conditions, knowing in his heart that he has made the right choice and taken his stand with integrity, many good people work hard to find a way to bring his case to public awareness, and to show the world that justice has not been served.

Kevin is not alone. There are many, not all soldiers, who are wrongfully imprisoned for standing for their beliefs with integrity. They did not choose jail, they trusted that their ethical stand would be respected and treated with dignity by the legal system. They followed the rules, did things the right way and were persecuted for it.

For the soldiers still at war, they choose the road they are on. Does that make the war right? No. Does that make any war right? NO. But, the difficult situation they are in is a choice we all are responsible for. If the war is not over, perhaps it is because many still believe in what they are doing, and have not been shown enough evidence of the truth to change their minds. Wouldn't it be more beneficial to work harder at making the truth evident as a way to stop the war, rather than shouting loudly until someone finally takes us away for a symbolic night in jail?

Those who have gone to jail for declaring their conscientious objection to the war in the legal manner allowed, have been treated with injustice by a legal system in a country that professes to believe in, and honor, ethical, moral behavior. For justice to be served on their behalf, we must demonstrate evidence of the injustice done. Going to jail ourselves isn't the best way to do that.

If the law says that protestors need a permit to peaceably assemble, then why not show integrity, and respect for the legal system of this country by getting a permit and conducting the protest in an appropriate manner? Wouldn't the way to demonstrate the difference between the integrity and higher standards of the citizens of this country, and the lack of real ethical courage of many in our government, be to show that integrity in the choice of our actions?

If protestors knowingly break a law, they should be arrested. If they choose to ask the courts to throw the book at them, then that is their choice. Although why anyone would want to do that is not something easily understood. What is demonstrated by breaking a law and going to jail for it - daring the judge to make it a stiff sentence? Who wins? What is the purpose?

The conditions of the prison at the Ft. Lewis Regional Correctional Facility are appalling.

The rights of the inmates in this facility are violated on a daily basis. Is the way to protest the war to put ourselves in jail? Do the people of America really care if someone chooses to sit in jail - when they have the freedom to choose to take a stronger, more positive stand - one that demonstrates that they are not willing to become what many in our government appear to already be? Should they care?

We can protest the war, we can protest the illegality, we can publicly speak to the corruption we believe exists. But until there is proof, evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt, we cannot put someone in jail. To consider anything else, would be to lower our standards far below where Kevin Benderman, and others like him were willing to go.

The legal system of this country is failing us if evidence shows that laws are broken and no punishment is given. The legal system is also failing us when 15 commissioned Army officers, sworn to uphold the constitution, use their power and rank to put one soldier in jail for stating the truth and standing by his moral and ethical values, and not one officer of the law dares to stop the process.

As we watch the progress in Iraq, and as the potential indictments come closer to the final day of knowing, time will tell what comes next. If laws were broken, then justice will determine the course of action. People have made significant mistakes, and accountability is necessary. But let's not become what we are fighting against, just to get results.

Let's find the moral courage to make our country strong again, to take the right course, and stand on principle. Let's not allow emotions to force our actions to become reactions. We have one chance to make things right, to build a foundation based on principles and integrity. Step by step, brick by brick we can make our country whole again.

We cannot prosecute someone on assumptions, and we should not allow someone to go to jail for injustice. We cannot fabricate evidence, twist and manipulate papers and tell five different stories under oath, just because a person's actions challenge our beliefs.

All of this is fact in Kevin Benderman's case. He did not choose jail - he chose his right to live as he believes, as this country should allow. His stand - to live according to his principles - are what threatened his command, and pushed them into a corner, challenging them to face what he was saying or use their position to lock truth away in the confines of a dilapidated jail where justice does not matter, where no one is held accountable for their actions.

Those officers couldn't find their integrity - they ran from it. They were afraid to face what his choice told them about themselves.

What does the choice of willingly breaking a law and then willingly accepting the consequence of jail - ASKING for it - tell us?

This country needs to move toward positive solutions, toward better choices. This country needs to be led back to the constitution. If you break a law that was created to preserve the rights of all people, then the constitution allows punishment for that. It is not fair to make a travesty of those who suffer as a result of injustice by creating the appearance of injustice, any more than it is fair for our soldiers to die to preserve individual freedoms for people who really don't care about the soldiers' sacrifice.

The citizens of this country deserve the right to make their choices, but the citizens of this country deserve to be led by people who stand by their integrity and who walk tall when those who use their power and rank to dole out injustices try to imprison the truth inside a steel cage.

If we want change we have to be the change, and live it in our lives. Whether we are for the war, or against it, we have all suffered, and lost because of it. It is each individual's choice how they wish to proceed. All those in favor of staying the course - are free to take my husband's place in jail at any time.

Monica may be reached at monica@BendermanTimeline.com or mdawnb@coastalnow.net.

Please visit our websites at Benderman Time line and Benderman Defense

The conspiracy begins with very small people living in fear of being discovered - to protect the illusion of competence, they tell a lie.

Uh-oh. The fear grows. Now they've done it. They've told everyone they can be trusted - so they lied. Who will know? Just one little white lie - an experience they never had - but in their mind they are sure they “would have been an expert at it if they had tried.”

Hide the fear behind a flourish of good will - a helping hand, an unsolicited gift, an expensive meal. And the world is good and fear lurks in the shadows - until the next question is asked.

UH-OH. The fear grows. And the white lie takes on a shade of gray as the story grows to encompass the fear.

Ah, the lies. It is far easier to pretend competence than to own it.

What is integrity? Strength of principle. Where does it come from? Knowledge.

A knowledgeable man has nothing to hide - and nothing to fear.

Truth comes from Knowledge, but to have knowledge one must learn. Who has time for learning these days?

Our world is full of smart people but smart doesn't give you knowledge. Smart sometimes fuels incompetence. A smart man with very little knowledge - perfect “petrie dish” for breeding an incompetent conspiracy.

The great American success story - it's not so much about integrity. Those with integrity do not often announce their own success - preferring to quietly help others find theirs.

The “great American success story” is the smartest demonstration of a lack of incompetence, cleverly accomplished with the eventual establishment of a conspiracy.

The American way - destroying many before they ever see it coming.

Why are military commanders so determined to punish soldiers who think with their own mind? Why do they use such desperate measures to keep the voices of these soldiers from being heard? To preserve national security - or prevent being discovered?

UH-OH. The fear grows - incompetence discovered.

Why do we go after “evil” dictators? Long ago we courted them, gave them their wings, taught them to fly. But the lessons backfired when the student became more than the teacher, and we could no longer control their flight. A conspiracy forms, so the incompetence of the teacher remains hidden behind the façade of a protector, a benefactor for good and “national security”.

“Destroy everyone,” the smart man cries. “Be very, very afraid.”

“For reasons of national security we must classify our words. We must get to them before they get to us.”

Fear of discovery - the downfall of a very smart, but unknowledgeable man.

The conspiracy grows and control is a must - to keep lies from being discovered. But incompetent men have never lived, and therefore, have never learned. In the bubble of their fabricated world all is good until the next question is asked.

UH-OH. The fear grows. And the gray lie draws closer to black as the story grows to encompass the fear.

Walls are built, and fences raised up as the blinds are pulled down. The inner circle becomes the only people who will never tell the secrets of one very smart, incompetent man. The conspiracy expands to those faithful cronies who will do whatever they must to protect their benefactor. It's part of the plan - as the circles of their own little life's conspiracy intertwine in a grand web of deception.

Control tightens as fear deepens. Furtive glances across the table at co-conspirators whose silence is bought with the promise of power and prestige. How can you trust someone whose silence has been paid for?

Tensions mount as forgotten nights blend with remembered days - and confidantes lose their confidence with twisted facts that no one dares to discuss for fear of being discovered as - incompetent.

UH-OH. The fear grows. And the black lies come together as the story grows to encompass the fear.

Incompetent Conspiracy. Be very, very afraid.

Monica may be reached at monica@bendermantimeline.com or mdawnb@coastalnow.net.

Please visit the Bendermans' websites at www.BendermanDefense.org and www.BendermanTimeline.com to learn more about Sgt. Kevin Benderman's battle for Conscientious Objection.

Numbers - empty boots = downturned rifles in the sand = crosses on a field - on a beach - along the side of the road - continuous dollar counts on countless websites - crowds at the capitol - on buses - on subways = the million man march - are they people?

How many times have you been arrested for the “cause?” That symbolic confinement, did you forget that the game has you already confined? Who in their right mind would plan to be arrested? Did you smile while they bound your hands? Did they treat you like a person or a number?

What exactly do the numbers mean?

The giant board game of life. Who wins? The ones who know the most numbers?

The game does nothing - it tells us nothing - it means nothing, except one more number to add, one more number to shout out - one more candle to light.

DEAD - is dead. When the first soldier died, freedom lost its meaning. When the last soldier die ...

when will the last soldier die?

And - don't tell me that soldier died for our freedom. You are the only one who can earn your freedom, and it doesn't come from counting numbers.

Death does not bring freedom, except from the numbers - the endless numbers that are one more clever way to avoid the truth - no one can see the solution - everyone just keep counting.

STOP.

Dead is dead. So what is life?

As the parents are in the streets protesting number 2000, where are their children? Who takes care of them while the passion is the “cause”? Don't tell me your passion is to keep children alive -

The way to keep children alive is to be with them, to teach them a higher standard than what has come before by putting them before the cause. To raise them with love and to educate them to real life, not the game, so they grow up fearless and free - confident in themselves so others cannot control them.

As Congress is in its chambers counting the dollar signs in the spending measures they pass, where is the money? Just one more part of the game. Is the money being spent to improve life? Don't tell me a bridge in Alaska is in the best interests of the people. Does anyone know who the people are?

As you look at the rows of empty boots and crosses, is it a person that you cry for? Do you see faces of the sacrifice - a life, the tears? Pictures of you crying before a cross with no name, for what, did you know the man? They're gone because of war.

Why did you wait until now to care? Because now he's a number?

As you make plans to be arrested and carried off, counting the number of times you have been processed in this “war,” what is happening to people who have been falsely imprisoned for their beliefs? As you laugh, and drink together at the end of a day of civil disobedience, and plan the next venue to “do it all again,” do you remember that people are REALLY confined for telling the truth about the game, or is it that you really don't want to know?

How much is your life worth? I bet you know a number - what's in the bank account?

But how about life? Do you know the value of your life? Or have you not yet lost enough to care?

It cannot be worth much if you are still willing to play the game. You would not be relying on someone else to sacrifice for your cause.

The game is over - you want sacrifice - then make it.

If your life matters - then fight for it - don't claim another's sacrifice in your name, how cowardly. Fight for it - by living it with passion, and living REAL. Feel your own pain, don't pass it off to someone else and claim to believe in the “cause.”

If you want that bridge, then build it, don't force others to pay for something they will never use – and then walk across it proudly as if you care about the people on the other side.

If you want your children to live in freedom, then give them the freedom they deserve. Love them, teach them, make theirs the most important lives in yours, and show them that your stand is not a game.

If you want to be remembered for having gone to jail for a cause - then make it real.

Monica Benderman may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net or monica@bendermantimeline.com

On July 27, 2005, Sgt. Kevin Benderman was found guilty of Missing Movement and sentenced to 15 months confinement, loss of pay and dishonorable discharge. In actuality, Sgt. Benderman's crime was daring to tell the truth, and daring to challenge the very philosophy of the military machine in which he had volunteered to serve, by filing for Conscientious Objection for no longer wanting to participate in war, and for speaking out to end violence as a means of resolving our differences.

Conscientious Objection is not just objecting to war. It is objecting to chaos, to everything about life that keeps it from a peaceful path. War is chaos, but chaos is also war.

Each person is going to have to one day face the process of becoming conscientious objectors in their lives before we can achieve peace. You will not all face the combat zone of war to do this. You may face a war of your own, far from the battlefields that our soldiers now face in Iraq.

As Sgt. Benderman made every attempt to live by his beliefs, his command did everything possible to dissuade him. They went to great lengths to keep him from speaking his truth, and from talking about what he had come to believe about war versus peace.

What was it they were afraid of? Why were they so anxious to regain control of this soldier? Did his declaration of conscience make them think? When he spoke of what he saw, when he spoke of how it made him feel, did they look in the mirror and see the same questions in themselves? Was it their own conscience that made them afraid?

Sgt. Benderman didn't run. He stood his ground and faced down every wanton act of corruption it took from his commanding officers, as they scrambled to create a story that they could all keep track of, and put Sgt. Benderman in jail. He had done nothing wrong, except dare to point out actions that his principles would no longer allow him to be part of. Like little children who cover their ears and hum to avoid hearing that playtime is over, the command was desperate to find a way to imprison the truth to avoid having to look it in the eye.

Conscientious Objection is no longer defined merely by one's religious commitment. It is about living with your principles, values, and morals. It is about maintaining high standards for your own life, and letting your conscience be your guide. It is knowing the best way to lead when it comes to defending your country, its constitution and your honor, and letting that wisdom dictate your actions regardless of whom it calls into question.

The rules of Conscientious Objection have changed. In this day, a Conscientious Objector must be aggressive in defense of peace, and must rely on his own integrity and moral principles when many around him dare to call him coward.

Sgt. Benderman's command would like people to believe that because he chose to no longer participate in this war, that made him a coward, and it made him unpatriotic. Being a Conscientious Objector is the highest form of patriotism when it is an objection to an aggressive war that destroys a culture of innocent people for no good reason, and abuses the integrity of the service of those who volunteered to defend our country, expecting the same integrity from those who lead them.

Sgt. Benderman's command would like people to believe that he was denied his claim because he was not sincere in his beliefs of Conscientious Objection - that he really only filed the claim to avoid returning to hazardous duty. He did file the claim to avoid returning to war, but he is not avoiding his duty.

The duty he now serves is to defend his country against people who refuse to see just how destructive the path they have chosen really is. The service he now gives, is in speaking of his own change of beliefs, in the hope that others will see that we all must become conscientious objectors before we can achieve peace.

The defense of one's home does not always mean “taking the fight to the enemy's soil” and it does not always mean defending your home against an outside force. Sometimes, the enemy is within, and sometimes defending one's home means standing up against our own fears, looking in the mirror and facing our conscience when we realize what it is that we have become.

The journey to Conscientious Objection is a personal journey, no different than the journey to peace. We each must embark upon it in our own time, and through our own experiences, but until every individual takes that step, we will continue to have chaos, and we will continue to confront the violent actions of others who would choose to disrupt the peaceful path that Conscientious Objectors have chosen to walk.

It is when those who have come to understand the true meaning of peace have learned to live it in spite of the chaos others seek to encourage, that we will finally begin to emerge from the cycle of hate and destruction.

We cannot control the life of another. We can only understand this when we have learned to control ourselves. To embark on a personal journey to Conscientious Objection could be the best way to begin.

To learn more about Sgt. Kevin Benderman's journey to Conscientious Objection, and to understand the psychological and manipulative tactics he faced from the Military and the chain of command to deter him from his public stance on Conscientious Objection, please visit our website, www.BendermanTimeline.com.

Monica Benderman may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net or monica@BendermanTimeline.com

On the drive home from the park, kids sleeping in the back, I would think to myself, "What exactly is it that they have created there, and why the fascination?" Why would anyone want to put themselves through that madness, and pay far more than it could ever be worth? What exactly did someone get for their money, anything of lasting value? As far as I could see, I was twisted, confused, dizzy, weak-kneed, and at the speed of the ride, there really wasn't much pleasure to commit to memory to relive at a later date. When I finally did get my equilibrium back, it would have been easier never to have lost it, than to have paid for something I couldn't use.

The last time I was in an amusement park was about 7 years ago - or did I ever really leave?

I heard an interview, yesterday, with a man who was addressing his observations on my husband's court martial case at Ft. Stewart. The command of my husband's unit went to great lengths to manipulate evidence to give the appearance of my husband disobeying an order and Missing Movement of a flight to deploy. In actuality, my husband tried for months to get his command to acknowledge his request to file a Conscientious Objector application, and his command did everything they could to keep him from his rights, and in the process disregarded Army Regulation 600-43, which allows a soldier the right to request CO status as his beliefs about war change during his service.

The reason that this man felt that the Army had no choice but to make an example of Sgt. Benderman was that "there are 23,000 soldiers who were scheduled to deploy to Iraq and none of them wanted to go. 22,999 went back, and one did not. 22,999 have wives who are saying my husband went, my friends' husbands went back, why didn't this soldier go?"

The correct response would have been to explain this soldier's rights as a member of a society that is now speaking boldly of spreading democracy to the world, so that those in other countries will have the freedom to live as they choose, even if they have not chosen to allow us to do this for them. Sgt. Kevin Benderman has given 10 honorable years of service to his country, defending its constitution and the rights of our citizens, more years than most of the soldiers who now complain about having to return. The correct response would have been to defend the Army Regulations as an honorable representation of how soldiers are respected in this country that applauds freedom and individuality. The straight ride would have been to support this soldier in his request, as was his right, and to show all the soldiers in service to this country that their defense of our constitution matters, that the lives they sacrifice are represented with honor in giving back to them what they have earned for themselves.

The roller coaster is reaching the top of a very long incline, and I suspect it will descend from the top far too quickly for there to be any pleasure for most to remember later. I have little doubt that most of the riders will take the descent with their eyes closed. I have watched many of the passengers as they ride to the top. They have had their eyes closed since the cars left the gate.

The story of Sgt. Kevin Benderman's case is one in a long series of abuses, not only to our military personnel, but to our country in general. We have been whipped around, turned forward and backwards, so that even as we get back in line to return for another ride, we still cannot recognize that the long, slow climb is taking us to a fall that becomes much more difficult to recover from every time we dare to go around again.

People have let themselves be taken over by technology, corporations with no humanity, greed, marketing - and all of this has removed us further from the people we should be reaching out to in all the ways that would help us remain human.

We are addicted to an illusion, a huge amusement park full of rides that do nothing except take our mind off of our humanity, our frailties, our feelings and our reality. We love the colors, the music, the rush as we are caught up in the process of moving through tunnels with holographic images of success, dreams coming true and promises of a better life. What's worse, people are willingly paying for the right to partake of the madness, and the rides grow bigger, the price of a ticket rises every time they rejoin the line, and the world outside - life - humanity - is becoming a dark wasteland, that no one will recognize when the descent is complete and the amusement park closes as the money runs dry.

One man cannot stop the ride, but one man can choose to not get back in line. Sgt. Kevin Benderman has and joins others he has met in the process who also have come to realize that a straight, focused path, one that is deliberate and simple, is a much quicker way to the goal - PEACE - and the foundation this approach brings will be lasting.

On the drive home from the park, kids sleeping in the back, I would think to myself, "What exactly is it that they have created there, and why the fascination?" Why would anyone want to put themselves through that madness, and pay far more than it could ever be worth? What exactly did someone get for their money, anything of lasting value? As far as I could see, I was twisted, confused, dizzy, weak-kneed, and at the speed of the ride, there really wasn't much pleasure to commit to memory to relive at a later date. When I finally did get my equilibrium back, it would have been easier never to have lost it, than to have paid for something I couldn't use.

The last time I was in an amusement park was about 7 years ago - or did I ever really leave?

I heard an interview, yesterday, with a man who was addressing his observations on my husband's court martial case at Ft. Stewart. The command of my husband's unit went to great lengths to manipulate evidence to give the appearance of my husband disobeying an order and Missing Movement of a flight to deploy. In actuality, my husband tried for months to get his command to acknowledge his request to file a Conscientious Objector application, and his command did everything they could to keep him from his rights, and in the process disregarded Army Regulation 600-43, which allows a soldier the right to request CO status as his beliefs about war change during his service.

The reason that this man felt that the Army had no choice but to make an example of Sgt. Benderman was that "there are 23,000 soldiers who were scheduled to deploy to Iraq and none of them wanted to go. 22,999 went back, and one did not. 22,999 have wives who are saying my husband went, my friends' husbands went back, why didn't this soldier go?"

The correct response would have been to explain this soldier's rights as a member of a society that is now speaking boldly of spreading democracy to the world, so that those in other countries will have the freedom to live as they choose, even if they have not chosen to allow us to do this for them. Sgt. Kevin Benderman has given 10 honorable years of service to his country, defending its constitution and the rights of our citizens, more years than most of the soldiers who now complain about having to return. The correct response would have been to defend the Army Regulations as an honorable representation of how soldiers are respected in this country that applauds freedom and individuality. The straight ride would have been to support this soldier in his request, as was his right, and to show all the soldiers in service to this country that their defense of our constitution matters, that the lives they sacrifice are represented with honor in giving back to them what they have earned for themselves.

The roller coaster is reaching the top of a very long incline, and I suspect it will descend from the top far too quickly for there to be any pleasure for most to remember later. I have little doubt that most of the riders will take the descent with their eyes closed. I have watched many of the passengers as they ride to the top. They have had their eyes closed since the cars left the gate.

The story of Sgt. Kevin Benderman's case is one in a long series of abuses, not only to our military personnel, but to our country in general. We have been whipped around, turned forward and backwards, so that even as we get back in line to return for another ride, we still cannot recognize that the long, slow climb is taking us to a fall that becomes much more difficult to recover from every time we dare to go around again.

People have let themselves be taken over by technology, corporations with no humanity, greed, marketing - and all of this has removed us further from the people we should be reaching out to in all the ways that would help us remain human.

We are addicted to an illusion, a huge amusement park full of rides that do nothing except take our mind off of our humanity, our frailties, our feelings and our reality. We love the colors, the music, the rush as we are caught up in the process of moving through tunnels with holographic images of success, dreams coming true and promises of a better life. What's worse, people are willingly paying for the right to partake of the madness, and the rides grow bigger, the price of a ticket rises every time they rejoin the line, and the world outside - life - humanity - is becoming a dark wasteland, that no one will recognize when the descent is complete and the amusement park closes as the money runs dry.

One man cannot stop the ride, but one man can choose to not get back in line. Sgt. Kevin Benderman has and joins others he has met in the process who also have come to realize that a straight, focused path, one that is deliberate and simple, is a much quicker way to the goal - PEACE - and the foundation this approach brings will be lasting.

Monica Benderman is married to Sgt. Kevin Benderman, an active duty soldier serving 15 months in confinement at Ft. Lewis, WA, for requesting Conscientious Objector status. Sgt. Benderman has been declared a prisoner of conscience by Amnesty International. To learn more, please visit their website at Benderman Defense. Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net.

Sgt. Kevin Benderman sits in confinement at Ft. Lewis, Washington. His crime? Making a choice. He chose Peace.

It's not about one side winning and the other side losing. Not to Sgt. Benderman. It's about having knowledge. We all have the right to know the truth about our options, and to be educated in our choices. We deserve to know the truth, and in truth shall come the freedom we all want, the freedom we claim to be fighting for.

Freedom is a personal choice, it is personal responsibility. This comes when every person uses the knowledge he has been given to do what his conscience tells him he must. It is not the reward for dying. It is not the reward for one side winning.

No one can decide for another that war is right or wrong. Each person will have to come to that on their own.

No one can tell another that their sons and daughters died for nothing or for a noble cause. All we can do is tell the truth about the cause, the good and the bad. It is up to each family to know which choice their son or daughter made.

America is at war with itself these days, more than any other enemy we have faced. There are two sides, and no side is winning. As each battle ensues, the divisions become greater, and the goal, PEACE, becomes further from reach.

Every soldier made his choice. Every soldier continues to make his choice, now. The families who love these men and women make their choice as well. The question - did we have the knowledge to make the choice?

Soldiers died. Did they die for what they believed in? Did they believe in an honest cause? Were they given all the knowledge they needed to make the choice for themselves that came from truth? Were their hearts and their consciences betrayed?

Soldiers return from war. Some return with a sense of honor. Many return with a heart that is unable to rest. Why do so many soldiers suffer from PTSD? Why are so many military families at risk of broken relationships, veterans homeless, mental health facilities established all over this country and the world, for our veterans? There is no peace.

What makes peace? Knowing that the freedom of choice led someone to act on their beliefs - beliefs nested firmly in a conviction based on truth. Can we have peace? Only if we are given everything we need to know the truth.

Firsthand experience gives us the best opportunity to know the truth, to know whether the choices we make are honest assessments - convicted beliefs. Firsthand experience told Sgt. Kevin Benderman that he could no longer participate in war. He saw his truth. He made his choice. He is free - even confined at Ft. Lewis, he is FREE, and mostly he is at Peace.

Freedom also comes from acceptance. When we accept each other's differences, by understanding their right to believe as they choose, we move closer to living free. When we realize that we are all part of the same humanity, and that living matters more than dying, perhaps it will be easier to accept each other's differences and allow ourselves the right to choose.

Freedom is not free. Freedom is earned, but no one can earn it for us. The price cannot be another's death in our name. The price is the sacrifice we make for ourselves, to have the knowledge to make our choices based on truth, to do the work we need to do to make the best choice for us, the one that gives us Peace.

What is the truth? In fairness to all, the truth is something that many of us have not yet seen. For our soldiers, for their families, for the lives that have been given - the truth is in the firsthand experiences we have all lived through that those who cannot understand us have not seen.

What is our noble cause? It is asking to be given the knowledge we need to make conscious choices that give our hearts peace. We are not at peace. So perhaps more information is needed.

War - Anti-War. Somewhere in the middle there is Peace.

Monica Benderman is married to Sgt. Kevin Benderman, an active duty soldier serving 15 months in confinement at Ft. Lewis, WA, for requesting Conscientious Objector status. Sgt. Benderman has been declared a prisoner of conscience by Amnesty International. To learn more, please visit their website at www.BendermanDefense.org.

Monica may be reached at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

I ask myself, 'Why should I continue with what I see as self-destructive behavior?'

We have become so engrained to the face of war that we can no longer see that it solves nothing. I will no longer participate."

People who haven't experienced war and all of its trappings firsthand, will never know just how deep the dehumanizing effects go: Dehumanizing only if they succeed in barring people from their heart and from acting on their conscience. For some, the effects do anything BUT dehumanize us. For some, they galvanize us against the robotic trend, and make us LIVE from this point on, feeling everything, pain and good, knowing just how important every feeling is, for it means we are alive, we are safe and we ARE human after all.

War affects us all. We just don't know it until it is sometimes too late to change what it has done. Mothers cry, Cindy Sheehan is crying, and there are mothers all over the world crying with her. This is beyond political. As Kevin said, we cannot tell others how to live their lives or what to believe in. We can, however, let others see our humanity, and hopefully others will come to face theirs as well, by asking questions of themselves, as we have, and demanding that they answer honestly, unafraid to feel in their responses.

It was midnight the night that Kevin's unit deployed. The barracks room was eerily quiet, surreal, as if we were in a cocoon living out this last bit of time; separate from everything else that was going on. All of his movements cast shadows on the blank wall as the lamp on his nightstand kept us from darkness. Watching him put on body armor, a Kevlar helmet, 100 pounds of equipment and supplies, sneaking last minute little notes into all the pockets of his uniform and armor so that he could find them in his downtime, was a difficult memory to keep. As he packed the charcoal chemical suit, the antidotes for chemical attacks, the gas mask... so many thoughts surfaced and it all seemed to be slow motion... there was little more to say - there really aren't any words. We drove at 1 am, in the dark, to the arms room to draw his weapon. Waiting... more briefings, more waiting in the dark. Knowing that time was running out... knowing everything the government had said about the horrors those soldiers were about to face... knowing that he was so thoughtful about the idea of going to war and that we had to find the strength for what we had committed to... knowing that there were many who would not respect what the soldiers were about to do... and then - 3 AM. I had to let him go and watched while the units formed and marched past us into the gym. The only sound to be heard was the shuffled cadence of their boots. Something impacted me that wasn't expected. Standing in the doorway watching, Kevin came through not a foot from me, and another soldier handed him a plastic chock to put behind the pin of his M-16 to keep it from firing on the plane. It was added safety... but for me it was the realization that we were going to war.

Almost three weeks ago, in a courtroom that was eerily quiet, even with people surrounding me; strangely surreal, as if we were in a cocoon living out this last bit of time, my husband was sentenced to 15 months confinement for not wanting to participate in war. As visitors left the courtroom, prosecutors tried not to smile but didn't quite succeed, government witnesses shook hands as if they had accomplished their mission, and friends were not quite sure what to say or do. It all seemed to separate from where we stood. We wanted to remember every second of the short time in the waiting room, quick hugs and assurances - we have been through this before. Together we will get through this again. Watching while the MPs came to lead him away, the only sound to be heard was the sound of the handcuffs and leg irons that his supervisor refused to allow the MP's to use, telling them that Sgt. Benderman would walk on his own to the van. As I stood in the doorway, Kevin came through not a foot from me with his head held high - the power of his confident strength was added comfort... and for me it was the realization that we were heading toward peace.

Cindy Sheehan and Kevin Benderman are no different, just using a different story to help others see how much we need to reach for a better way. War should be obsolete; it must be, if we are to regain our humanity. We should not have to watch our soldiers load their weapons and prepare to fight others. Sadly, no one can truly understand who has not seen or felt the entire experience. We hope the day will come when no one ever will feel it again. For those of us who have, we look at the sunshine a little longer and dare to walk in the rain. We see our children as gifts, not nuisances. We wake in the morning and do our best to defend good things and brush off the little ones that don't really matter. We accept what we have as the gifts we must use. We do not take for granted that by being here, speaking out to no longer participate in war, to find a better way, we are fighting for freedom and the right to live, as we believe. We remember that we are not fighting for the right to destroy others or ourselves for the sake of power and control. We do not forget what good is - all the natural gifts we have to share that have nothing to do with money or power or instant gratification. We do not forget the honor in being able to defend Life over the taking of life to solve our problems.

For us, this is about our home, and the fact that it no longer seems to have real meaning for so many people who dare to speak against what Kevin has chosen to do saying, "I will study war no more." We join people like Cindy Sheehan and so many others who are offering their stories with feeling, in the hope that it will help others to learn to feel as human beings again as well. It takes a strong person to have the kind of heart that is willing to reach out and help defend their home, especially when so many in that home are not ready to understand what they are being offered. Kevin, Cindy, those who stand with us, know that there is a better way. We will do everything we can to help others to see the value of Peace because we have lived through the destructive force of War.

The glory comes from a life well lived.

Monica Benderman is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman who was recently sentenced to 15 months confinement for the charge of Missing Movement. Amnesty International has issued an urgent appeal for Kevin's immediate release, and declared him a Prisoner of Conscience. For more information and updates please visit their website, Benderman Defense

Monica may be contacted at mdawnb@coastalnow.net

I am not writing out of anger. I am writing to request the opportunity to meet with one of you to discuss my husband's case from our point of view, as this has not been allowed to this point. Even in my husband's court martial, he was not allowed to discuss his beliefs, his reasons, or the fact that he has given 10 years of honorable service to his country, including a combat tour in Iraq, for which he received two Army commendation medals for meritorious service. My husband's case for Conscientious Objection was brushed aside and mishandled so that his entire career of service came down to a meeting with his Command Sgt. Major that lasted less than one hour. My husband's testimony regarding this meeting has remained unchanged, as has my witness to that meeting. The Command Sgt. Major's testimony was re-written and sworn to on at least 5 separate occasions, each testimony contradicting another, even as they were presented in my husband's court martial. In fairness to each of you, to the US Army, to the people of this country and mostly to my husband, who is paying the price for being falsely charged, I am respectfully requesting that the appeal process for his case be allowed to proceed without delay, and that he be given fair treatment not only in a re-presentation of the facts surrounding his court martial, but that he also be given the opportunity to have his application for Conscientious Objector status reconsidered as well.

We are all living in difficult times. My husband served in this war, and the effects it had on him will live with him for the rest of his life. We do not intend to dishonor the service of all the military personnel still serving, each will have to make the choice for themselves of how to live with their beliefs and their conscience. We will not say that the beliefs of those still fighting are wrong. We can only say for certain that what my husband was ordered to continue to believe, by his command, is very wrong for him. This is the United States of America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. Sirs, my husband freely volunteered to serve in the United States Army because he believed it was right. He gave 10 years of honorable service because he believed it was right for him. After seeing war firsthand, he knew that he could not participate any longer; because he KNEW war was the wrong choice for him. The stand he has taken, to say NO to war and to lay down his weapon in the face of so many who do not understand, is what I believe gives him the right to live in this "home of the brave," as one of the bravest.

I have never met any of you. I hear what others say about you, but I cannot say the same. I do not know you. I would like the opportunity to know you, so that I could know what to believe. I would like the opportunity to sit with each of you and discuss what my husband believes, as people who care about our country and those who serve it.

Our country needs to heal. War has divided our country, our families and our world. I would like the opportunity to present our views for a different approach to lasting peace. We believe that we can make this country strong on our shores, that we can develop ways to defend our country without taking the fight to foreign lands. We believe that we can work together to provide adequate means to secure our land so that we will not have to "get to them before they can get to us." It will involve more than just coffee table discussions, and we make no illusion, no doubt there will be loss. As we work through the process and remain firm in our commitment to not allow ourselves to be drawn into violence, we know that some will try to force us against our will, to show us to be weak by daring us to lose control. BUT the loss incurred will be far less than what we have already faced, and the innocents who now suffer will not be so openly in harm's way.

Taking a stand for what we believe, for a commitment to seeing that peace happens and that those who threaten this peace are neutralized does not have to involve weapons meant for killing. Animals on this earth were given their weapons; teeth, claws and a ravage tenacity to protect what is theirs and keep "enemies" at bay. Humanity was given something much different, a far more significant weapon. Humanity was given a mind. Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten the power of our mind and what it can be used for. It became easy to create weapons of destruction, far easier than to use our minds to think and create strong principles for preventing the use of these weapons.

We believe that we should take pride in our abilities to use our mental strength. We believe that we should develop this asset and work with courage toward peace by drafting positive resolutions, knowing that while the implementation of these resolutions will result in some loss, it will be far less than the loss we face with weapons of destruction in our hands, no different than "the enemy" facing us.

We believe we should stand strong and confident in knowing that we have the courage of heart and strength of intellect to overcome the basest animalistic tendencies that so easily drive us to forget that we are human. We believe it is time to rise up from a position of strength knowing that there is no "enemy" greater than ourselves, when we lose respect for our God-given abilities and resort to violence as an answer.

Our world is divided because of war. We see children dying who will never have the chance to grow to use their talents to help our world. We see children who have lost their fathers. How will they grow? Will there be resentment, or will they come to believe that they must become strong in saying NO to war? We see mothers crying as they reach out to find a noble cause for their sons' deaths. Wouldn't the cause be far nobler if the solution were to lay down our guns and say, "not one more person should have to die when we have the strength to resolve our problems without violence?" We see homes destroyed, a country laid waste to, and people struggling to survive. Will they one day say "thank you" for making my world better because of war? OR - will they find forgiveness and reach out in hope when we put our weapons away and give them the freedom to do what they must to heal their country and their homes?

This world is great and we are all part of it. War only creates chaos, it will never bring lasting peace, and fighting with killing machines to keep the turmoil from reaching our shores will only prolong the agony. We believe we must work together to strengthen us, to secure us, and to use our strength wisely to show the world that we mean business when we say that no one will control us, our actions or our way of life. To take the stand of strength, to honor those who have served this country with their sacrifices, we believe we must rise above the violence and say "NO MORE," we will not allow ourselves to be drawn to a position of having to use their methods to resolve our differences. Sirs, nothing that results in such massive destruction can ever be counted as success on the way to lasting peace.

Please consider my request. Please understand that I mean no disrespect, nor does the stand that my husband has taken. We care about our country, we care about healing the wounds we all now feel. We know that our country stands for human rights, for respecting others and for leading others to their personal freedom by giving them the right to make the choices that are best for them, as long as they bring no intentional pain to anyone else. We believe it is time to reach out for what makes us truly strong and to leave the way of violence behind.

I look forward to the opportunity to discuss my husband's case with you. Mostly, I look forward to the opportunity to work together in strength, to bring lasting peace to our world, and to see our country represented by the confidence of a principled stand for conscience that all people deserve.

In Peace,

Monica Benderman

While hospitalized and fighting this disease, the child decided to begin to fold 1,000 paper cranes. In Japan, it is believed that if a person folds 1,000 paper cranes they will have one wish granted. Sadako's wish was to live a long and honorable life. As Sadako became weaker, the process of folding the paper cranes became more difficult. At the time of her death, she had only completed 644 cranes. Her wish made to the last crane finished, "I will write peace on your wings and you will fly all over the world."

To this day, children continue to fold paper cranes in the name of peace. And yet still peace has not come – wars continue.

Almost 30 years later, a picture was created. A child, Vietnamese, running down a barren street destroyed by warfare, her child's body on fire from the pain of Napalm, an American weapon, another innocent life destroyed in the name of Freedom.

Still the peace cranes fly - and still no peace has come.

Almost 30 years later, a new picture was created. My husband, in a convoy, part of the invading American force in Iraq, sees something that will haunt him for the rest of his life. A little girl standing near the edge of the road with her mother. Her arm burned black from hand to shoulder, crying and hoping for someone to care. But when my husband offered his share of the medical supplies to help this child, his convoy and his command could not stop. War called, and humanity was left standing by the side of the road.

We see the picture of the Iraqi child, arms outstretched, covered in her parents' blood. The victim of an erroneous shooting at a checkpoint near her village, an orphan now, she will never be the same again.

"... a child shall lead them," doesn't anyone see?

Fear is what drives us now. Not the fear of terrorists striking, that is only a superficial excuse. The fear that drives us, is that we will wake up and realize what we have become. I reach for my country, as I would reach for a friend. But is my country there? Physically it is, just as it always has been, but its heart ... it beats so faintly, is it gone? I hope not forever. I hope it's only hiding, locked away. This country now, is not the country I told my dreams to, this country would not understand those dreams. This country does not understand the dreams of the children. I wish my country, America, could understand, but we are so afraid now, and running so fast that there is no way we can see.

The heart of America is closed now, it is not feeling, and this is breaking my heart. I can only feel pain when I think of my country and it is not pain for me. The pain that I feel is from what is hiding behind the lies that my country thinks are our truths. The fears that are leading my country now are making us so vulnerable that we will turn to any justification and the dangers are only pulling us closer to the edge. If America cannot turn and face the truth, we will run forever, and soon only be living lies.

We as a country are afraid of facing the weaknesses that others have pointed out in us. Rather than face these weaknesses, and fight to bring about positive change, we continue to attack those who show us our truths. For years of this country at war, the wrong choice has been "eradicate them all and we will never have to know what we hide from."

The right choice, face who we are, see reality, admit that we are to blame for what is being done to us now, and bring about the change needed to stop the cycle of violence. Become the great country we profess to be, but whose heart is now hidden so far away. Like the alcoholic who denies his drinking problem, the abused wife who refuses to admit the danger she is in, the mother who believes that by continuing to interfere in her children's lives she is actually helping them to grow, America is in denial, and we, the people, are enabling the denial to continue.

By not bringing about the changes we know must happen, by talking and politicking and placing blame everywhere except squarely on our own shoulders, the violence and the abuse of our country will continue. Violence is the response of the weak. Reaching inside, admitting our weaknesses and taking action to strengthen them is the response of the strong.

With each step into the face of our fears, we will draw closer to finding Peace. Take one more look at the child's picture we do not want to see, and soon we will see that the night is not as dark when you see it clearly, and the solution will show itself in the form of peace.

Words, they are lies. Pictures, and the actions that result from the truth of those pictures, they speak for eternity. To avoid those pictures, to fail to act is only to buy into empty promises that will destroy this country when they prove too weak to keep the truth hidden any longer.

My wish for my country ... that the people of this country respect themselves enough to want to take care of the life they have been given. That they have enough honor and integrity to stare fully at their darkest sides and know that the worst is over when they dare to admit that they have not done enough to defend the morality and values on which this country was founded.

My husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman and those who stand with him now, Camillo Mejia, Jimmy Massey, Pablo Paredes, Trent Helmkamp, did not commit to defend the immoralities of this country. When they came to terms with this, they walked away. They fight now, for the Heart of this country, our country, and they do it with integrity, and in truth. They have faced the horrors that our country is afraid to see. They speak openly about it and they are no longer in denial.

I dare you all to the same. Do you have the heart to face the children who, in innocence, have tried to lead?

Can you stare into the face of the darkest reality, and see that Peace is the only answer, and that it has to begin with you?

We do try to individually thank everyone who emails us with their kind messages and their encouraging words. We would also like to thank the countless others who have read of Kevin's case on your website but who may offer their support by speaking out in their communities and by spreading word of the information on your website, but who do not choose to tell us of their actions in emails.

We can feel the energy of so many millions of people who are speaking out in solidarity with what we are doing, and it helps to keep us fighting strong when it comes to spreading our message of finding solutions of peaceful means for the world's problems.

We have established a Kevin Benderman Defense Committee, with a webpage, www.BendermanDefense.org that will provide updates regarding Kevin's case, as well as links to articles, veteran's organizations providing support and information for others, and an opportunity to make a PayPal donation towards covering Kevin's legal expenses. We hope this fund will not only cover Kevin's legal costs, but can also provide support after his case for any soldiers who choose a similar path. If possible, we would appreciate your listing the link to The Kevin Benderman Defense Committee on your site: www.BendermanDefense.org.

We appreciate everything you have done and are continuing to do to support this effort. And Please, thank your readers for their support as well.

In Peace,

Monica Benderman

In keeping with professional and "military" bearing, I realize that I must be aware that while I do not endorse this general's opinion, nor do I understand it, I must give him the benefit of the doubt and realize that in America, we are entitled to our beliefs, even when others feel that they do not meet the standards of the values set forth in our constitution, nor do they meet the criteria established for humanity set forth in the Ten Commandments. As I have come to understand it, the Ten Commandments may be found throughout the buildings and offices of our federal government. I am certain there is a reason for them there.

My husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman, goes to his preliminary hearing in the morning, to determine how the military will proceed on the two charges filed against him, Article 85, Desertion with intent to Avoid Hazardous Duty, and Article 87, Missing Movement, of the UCMJ. These charges were filed after he submitted his application for Conscientious Objector status to a command that refused to accept the application, causing my husband to have no other choice but to refuse redeployment back to Iraq. He has since been reassigned to a Rear Detachment unit at Ft. Stewart, and the command of that unit has followed the Army Regulations and accepted my husband's Conscientious Objector application.

My husband served one combat tour in Iraq. He has told of some of what he witnessed and experienced while in country that caused him to become this committed to speaking out against war. He has more reasons for his choice but he keeps these inside. To know this man is to know that he does not make decisions on a whim, he does not react; he does not change his thinking without serious thought, and without a full commitment to his new beliefs. He cannot say what his thoughts will be in the future. How can anyone make a decision based on hypotheses, or "what ifs?" He knows what is NOW. That war belongs in the history books, that this war and all wars were predicated on the belief that humanity did not have the mental fortitude to bring weaker minds to a higher way of thinking without the use of guns, missiles and abject destruction of entire countries.

We look at every other form of life on this earth, and we see nothing of the violent acts that we justify as defending freedom, fighting for democracy, destroying evil. Animals kill for food; they kill to protect their young, but only when their young have been visibly threatened. Animals live in peace; different species mingle together throughout the earth, and the sea. Animals do not search out victims, do not run rampant terrorizing other creatures less fortunate than themselves, not without reason, unless rabid. Animals do not delight in the destruction of other creatures, merely for the sake of killing them. There is a balance in their world, and theirs is a world of peace.

What is it that makes humanity so violent? What is it that makes people cheer for the right to "brawl," for the right to go against a weaker force and declare it "fun?"

What is it that makes this acceptable?

Why is it that my husband is questioned, berated, called coward, and put on trial for not wanting to kill any longer? He has not broken a contract; he continues to serve his country by speaking out against wanton killing, by speaking on behalf of bringing morality back to the forefront of thought in America. He has not said that he would no longer serve to defend his constitution; he has merely said that he will no longer be part of an institution that is designed to kill, to destroy and whose members are taught to revel in the acts. His declaration of Conscientious Objector is not a declaration against his country, or its constitution. His decision to speak out on behalf of Peace and non-violent defense of this country is one that, to me, speaks of higher morality, of higher intellect, of thoughtful consideration for humanity.

To come to the realization that violence only perpetuates violence and hate among the world's population is a bold step in this society where shooting people is considered fun.

To have the courage to speak out in defense of non-violent solutions, to be bold enough to suggest that we are of a higher order, and that perhaps we should be setting the example for finding a better way rather than perpetuating the worst way, is something that, to me, should be recognized with honor and applauded. And yet, a comment that "It's fun to shoot some people" prompts the applause and the laughter, while my husband's statements of "killing is wrong, war is wrong" receive questions, and the potential for a prison sentence.

The captain, who is the Investigating Officer in charge of the Conscientious Objector hearing on Tuesday, will now determine his findings as to Kevin's sincerity. The packet of information that he will use to help him determine this is full of articles written by Kevin, by me, and by every journalist who has interviewed Kevin over the past month. It contains comments by his current commander, and before we are through, will contain copies of over 2500 emails offering support as well as over 40 hand written letters of support received at our mail box over the past 3 weeks. All of this will be forwarded on to the Department of Defense. All of this is astounding.

The letters of support are astounding for their sheer number, as well as the thoughts, for which we are sincerely appreciative. Support has come to us from all over the world, and the understanding, the energy and the warm feelings come through loud and clear in every one of the messages. We cannot begin to thank each person who has written in a way that would show them just how important every message we have received really is to us. We cannot begin to tell every person who has called just what their phone call has meant, and how it made us feel knowing that people cared that much about someone they had never met. We thank you all now.

Something else just as astounding is the fact that the questioning still continues and the evaluations are far from complete. In spite of everything said and done, my husband still has to prove that he is against war, that he is sincere in his conviction, that he is sane and means what he says... "War is wrong. War does not solve problems. War should be relegated to the pages of history, and we should do everything humanly possible to find a better way to solve our differences as human beings."

My husband and I are fighting to defend Peace and the non-violent means to reach out to humanity and do our part to teach that there is a better way than war. Something that should be so easy is such work, and meets so much opposition. Living and working for Peace should be so simple, and peaceful. It should not require the evaluations, the explanations, the justifications we are continually asked for. A public commentary on the sheer joy of shooting people results in a "slap of the hand" and is accepted as the words of a "superb leader," the words of someone who surely will "continue to serve this nation with... distinction."

I am not sure I have the words, because I am sure that I do not understand.

Kevin and Monica Benderman may be contacted at mdawnb@costalnow.net